Realities of Single Parenthood

The percentage of single parents is on the rise- whether by choice or due to unfortunate circumstances. What are some of the main challenges associated with being a single parent? What are some of the common misconceptions? And what type of impact does single parenting have on kids?

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Episode Transcript

Parent Savers
Realities of Single Parenthood


Please be advised, this transcription was performed from a company independent of New Mommy Media, LLC. As such, translation was required which may alter the accuracy of the transcription.

[Theme Music]

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Over the past few decades the number of families headed by single parents has increased dramatically. An increasing number of successful single well educated professional individuals are arriving at single parenthood in a variety of ways. Some by circumstance and some by choice, but they all face special and unique challenges. I am Dr. Jennifer Schere, a licensed clinical psychologist and this is Parent Savers, episode 73.

[Theme Music/Intro]

Johner Riehl: Welcome everybody to Parent Savers, broadcasting from the Birth Education Center of San Diego. Parent Savers is your weekly online the on-the-go support group for parents with new borns, infants and toddlers. I am your host Johner Riehl and thanks again to all our loyal listeners who joined the Parent Savers Club.

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Subscribe to our monthly Parent Savers newsletter for a chance to win a membership to our club each month. If you did that already you will know about this great new about all of our archived episodes been available so you can dig way back in the time machine and listen to anything you want. Another way for you to stay connected is by downloading our free Parent Savers App which is available in the Android and iTunes market place and we will give you notifications whenever a new podcast is available to listen to.

We have got a very crowded studio today as we talk about what is going to be a pretty interesting topic about Single Parenthood. We have got eight of us here in the studio right now and Cari on the and also counting Sunny. Well if you count the babies in Sunny’s tummy we have got 10 people. She is pregnant with twins, but let us go round and talk about who is here and including our expert and also Cari on the phone, so we kind of know a little about who is having the conversation today.

Colin Reed: My name is Colin Reed, I am 27 years-old. I work in airline catering and I have one son named Constantin who is 3 months-old.

Nicole Deline: Hi, my name Nicole Deline. I am 38 and I am an artist, designer, architect. I have a 3 year-old boy.

Johner Riehl: Nice to 3 year-olds!

Hadley Ajana: My name is Hadley Ajana. I am an attorney. I work in TechSoftware. I am 42 and I have a 4 month-old boy.

Johner Riehl: 4 month and baby John is here. So we are happy to have him contribute as well whatever he wants. I am host Johner Riehl, I have 3 boys, a 6year-old, a 4 year-old and a 2year-old, they are at the nice even spacing and I can remember all their ages right now as well.

Erin Esteves: My name is Erin, “OGMAMMACITA” and I have one boy and he is 23 months-old.

Johner Riehl: Nice! By the time this comes out he is going to be closed to 3.

Erin Esteves: Yeah and I am a mammaprenuer. So that is mamma and an entrepreneur.

Johner Riehl: And Erin as you guys know is our producer and so she is on our facebook and twitter accounts, looking for your contribution and she is going to be chiming in throughout the show. We have done some facebook updates already throughout the week and we are on twitter right now as we are tapping on this Saturday. So if you do want to participate in the conversation as a virtual panelist, you can do that and Erin is your avenue to do that. Dr. Schere, how about you?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Hi. I'm Dr. Jennifer Schere. I'm a clinical psychologist. I've been practicing for about 15 years and one of my areas is working with a lot of new moms and pregnancy and attachment issues with both moms and dads and families.

Johner Riehl: Do you have kids?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: I have two boys. I have a 2 year-old and a 7 year-old.

Johner Riehl: Nice! We've got Cari on the phone as well. Cari, tell us a little about yourself.

Cari Cardaci: Yes! I'm Cari Cardaci, I think I'm the senior member. I'm 52 years old. I have a 16 year-old daughter and I am an entrepreneur as well. I own a company called SYNA Creatives LLC which designs and distributes children's touchable bags.

Johner Riehl: Well, nice! I look forward to hearing everybody's story a little bit as well as talking more about realities of single parenthood.

[Theme Music]

Johner Riehl: Before we jump in to today's topic, we are going to look at an App which is something that we do from time to time hear on Parent Savers’, Apps for parents that we come across that we think might be of use or maybe not of use and we'll let you know what we think. Today's App we're looking at is called Rest Area Finder and we got a link to it on our website, so if you want to check it out.

But basically what this App does is it gives you a map, uses your location they have it for iPhone and then it generates the map and it shows you where the nearest Rest Areas are. But also shows things like scenic viewpoints, says that if they have phones or if they have restroom facilities and I kind of don't know why you would want a rest area without a restroom facility to be honest, but those two are kind of synonymous to me, but I guess it helps to flag when you can pull over and not go to the restroom.

Everything that shows up on the map is this little hot air balloons which I also can't figure out. So I played around it a little bit and it's a pretty easy basic… I mean, I can see that it's useful if you're looking for something like that. Erin, what did you think? Did you have a chance to look at it?

Erin Esteves: Yes, I did. I fiddled around with it and I'm giving it a tenuous mid-range thumb. It's not quite up and it's not quite down for these reasons, if you're using to plan ahead a trip into regions unknown, then yes, I think it's great. Because you can plan your drive according to the rest stop locations. However, if you're going to regions known, this App gives you nothing more than the signage on the freeway.

Johner Riehl: Right! It maybe tells you a little bit what to expect but I certainly wouldn't want to wait until my son said I have to go to the bathroom and then wipe out this App.

Erin Esteves: Exactly!

Johner Riehl: You’re in trouble, probably.

Erin Esteves: Exactly!

Johner Riehl: Any other thoughts from the room?

Nicole Deline: Well, I haven’t used it, but initially I thought it might be a good idea, thinking since I had my child, how many times I had to stop. But it was like just I had to stop immediately.

Johner Riehl: I think it’s probably like Erin said, probably really good for planning. So, I think we’ll go around the table real quick and do thumbs up or thumbs down, if anyone has an opinion.

Hadley Ajana: I’ll give it a thumbs down. I didn’t see the use in it at all.

Johner Riehl: We had a thumbs down and I would give it a slight thumbs up. So, it’s kind of one of these on the fence Apps. We’re going to end up, I would give it probably a thumbs up, it’s free, it’s not that big. If you’re going to be planning out some trips, go ahead and try it, but it’s not one of those that I’m going to knock on one of my friends doors and say you’ve got to check out this awesome App.

[Theme Music]

Johner Riehl: So now we’re finally ready to dive into today’s topic, “Realities of Single Parenthood.” Today, we’re talking with Dr. Jennifer Schere and a full host of panelists. Who are going to tell us all out their experiences? We’ll also be talking with Cari Cardaci on the phone. Thanks for joining us everybody. So Dr. Schere, let’s start with and maybe around the room we can chime in as well, but what are some different ways the people arrive in single parenthood?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Certainly either by circumstance or by choice and the people that I see and work with the most in my practice, tend to be single moms and dads who are parenting on their own due to circumstance, due to divorce, the death of a spouse and that brings with it very different set of issues than someone that’s arrived at a stage in life where they are ready and wanting to start a family and don’t have a committed relationship at that time, but oftentimes have the resources and the planning ability to be able to set themselves up financially and their resources, social networks and that can be very empowering in a very different way than when it comes to you not chosen.

Johner Riehl: Do you see, even though there are the different circumstances in a ways people arrive there that there is common challenges that people face, like if there is a biggest common challenge or is it really different per circumstance?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Well, I think, the parent…

Johner Riehl: Right! The fact that you’ve got these kids…

Dr. Jennifer Schere: I mean, I think there is a sense of …I mean there is a lone even no matter how many – how much support you have or a partner or spouse or they are – that moment to moment when you have to make that ultimate decision. I think it’s magnified a lot. If you are doing it on your own, there is enormous logistical issues that you can’t share and that creates a lot of burden and stress. There are so many… it’s really different.

Johner Riehl: We literally did this last night and my older son hurt his neck doing some exercise and before I could make the call myself is like do we go to urgent care, do we go to the hospital, I want to talk to my wife. But without that partner there it’s on you guys to make the call right?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Which I think can really sharpen you.

Johner Riehl: And probably!

Dr. Jennifer Schere: There’s no… you know it’s on you so you learn how to sharpen your decision making. You learn to trust yourself and your intuitiveness in a way that sometimes there’s a lot of doubt and inadequacy where it’s force upon you but in can be a phenomenal opportunity to sharpen that parenting skill.

Erin Esteves: If you’re strong enough to meet that requirement because it could be very detrimental for others who just can’t really find their way.

Cari Cardaci: I think it might what makes it difficult to is just the continuity of that, it’s over the constancy of it, that once in a while making the decision yourself is very empowering but it’s all the time. You’ve got to be very strong not to second guess yourself and go with your instinct and then just kind of move forward but I think where it gets difficult is it’s always on you. You don’t have somebody to bounce ideas off of you know I’ve been reasonable… am I crazy here. I think that’s where it’s get kind of tough.

Johner Riehl: Are you able to find support from other avenues though or build your own support systems?

Cari Cardaci: Yeah I think that’s hugely important. I’m very lucky to have a family close by so and two sisters that are moms and I called them up a lot and saying “Am I doing this right, am I thinking about this
the right way” that kind of thing. So I’m very lucky that way but yeah it does put a burden on you where usually you hit the go button.

Nicole Deline: Every situation is different but in mine I think that I actually get more help from his dad now. So when you were together I already felt like a single parent and I was definitely making all the decisions from day one. Now I think that he’s actually been sharpened, I mean he’s learning how to have to make decisions he just took them on vacation for the first time and he got sick. Of course I was a wreck because they were out of state but he had gotten an ear infection and he had to take him to the doctor. It sounds like a small thing but it’s really not anything he wouldn’t have to deal with if we were together.

Johner Riehl: Right if it had happen vocally, he wouldn’t have dealt it with.

Nicole Deline: No! Not at all! Not at all! We’re blocks away so probably he would have called me…

Dr. Jennifer Schere: He would have dig up the pieces.

Nicole Deline: Absolutely!

Dr. Jennifer Schere: What a wonderful opportunity for your child. You know that dad is now in a position to step up and be more involved.

Nicole Deline: That’s right! I actually… I mean I thought that and I said that to him all along it was unfortunate that we had to separate but I feel like it’s better for all of us and I really thought that Gavin is luckier for him his dad is really spending more time and I think they are going to have a better relationship because he is not going to see us fighting and be resentful.

Johner Riehl: Let me open this question to the panel as well, do you guys see any big misconceptions of being single parents? Do you guys feel like you have to fight a lot?

Nicole Deline: For me I think that a lot of people think “Oh since you have a child your life is over” or being single parent, must be so much harder but maybe they judge “Oh you are a parent you can’t do this, it’s all over”; I don’t think it’s like that at all its just a new challenge. You can still do and accomplish what you want to accomplish you just have to figure out the new root to do it.

Johner Riehl: I think that’s a struggle for single and together parents alike is the identity struggle. I would imagine though that my impression of being a single parent would be that it would be even harder because there’s even more pull and leaving less time for you to assert your identity because you are the one that is constantly there and making the decisions.

Nicole Deline: If you do have someone like in this case I have his dad I don’t have any family here but I actually have a little time to myself now because they take some every other weekend so I do get to read a book at least a few pages and take a nap.

Hadley Ajana: Do some laundry.

Johner Riehl: Cari what do you think is the best part about being a single parent?

Cari Cardaci: I think watching my daughter grow up into a wonderful human being has been the most gratifying and knowing that I’ve done that. My circumstances it was by choice I adopted her when I was 37 years old, I was not married but it was time and I always wanted a family so my circumstances was by choice and knowing that I have had such a wonderful effect on this beautiful human being that has just been just such a gift and such a blessing for me and it has made my life worthwhile so just watching her grow has been amazing. I’m just so proud of herself. She has just made my life.

Johner Riehl: Everything we kind of do as a parent theoretically is for the betterment of the kid so that we kind of either have them turnout great or not screw him up right?

Erin Esteves: Or just screw him up enough to make him interesting.

Johner Riehl: Interesting! That is right! But Dr Schere, is there an impact on kids that single parenting has versus together parenting, is there anything is shown how many sort of impact…negative impact on kids or positive?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Every dynamic is different, however what we know from all the research on attachment and child development is that it is the quality of the relationship between parent and child and not the context. Whether it is one parent to ten…it is really about what that child experiences in that relationship and what optimal parenting is when a child receives warmth and love and a sense of been valued and heard with firm and consistent limits so that they can feel safe.

Johner Riehl: Right! And that can happen with any number of different…

Dr. Jennifer Schere: It can happen with grandma and you know little tommy…any organization of…

Nicole Deline: Any scenario…

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Any scenario!

Johner Riehl: All right, I think this is a good point to take a quick break. When we come back we will talk with our panelist a little more about their specific experiences as well as career experience with
adopting as a single parent because I know that’s got a ton set of issues and challenges and it is an interesting story as well.

[Theme Music]

Johner Riehl: Welcome back everybody, today we are talking about realities of single parenthood and we are joined in studio by a platter of single parents, each with some unique experiences. So let’s get their perspective from each of them about kind of you know where…how they got to where they are and what their thoughts. Hadley can we start with you.

Hadley Ajana: I was actually raised by a single parent and it is not something that I would have ever chosen. I think my mom was a nervous rack most of the time and I think it really took toll on her. But I just happened to get pregnant from…big surprise…and the dad doesn’t want to be involved so I had tried…I was married for long time and I tried to conceive and so it was actually wonderful to find myself pregnant, it just wasn’t the circumstance.

Johner Riehl: It wasn’t how you thought it was going to be.

Hadley Ajana: Not at all, but it’s been great. It is alright but it is been great.

Johner Riehl: I mean would you say that is probably…maybe happy is not the right word but for the dad or whatever the…the bio-dad…maybe that is something else we need to figure out…that he had that awareness, did he say that he don’t want to be involved and is it easier because he just step the way or …

Hadley Ajana: Are you asking what it was like? What had happened?

Johner Riehl: Yes!

Hadley Ajana: No! By the time that he found out, he joined the seminary. So it has been terrible for him and he doesn’t want to leave the seminary and …

Johner Riehl: It is not that he is making a choice…. So he….

Hadley Ajana: No that is his choice.

Johner Riehl: Oh he is making the choice.

Hadley Ajana: He can stay or he can come but he choice decided to stay. So that was very…I think it’s been very painful, that part of it, I am not…I love begin a parent. There was a lot of tension in my marriage, I think that there is a lot of them and been a single parent removed a lot of that. I don’t have to discuss, are we going to get the kid vaccinated or are we going to do this or are we going to do that. I actually like been the decision maker and not having to argue with somebody else or negotiate I guess would be a better word. That part I actually like.

Johner Riehl: Do you have a very good support system, do you feel like or can always use improvement or how do you get support if you need a little bit of venting or…?

Hadley Ajana: It’s been hard, my mom died while I was in labor so I really don’t have family even but I have great friends and I think the babies kind of bring what they need, honestly. It’s been kind of amazing to see who has stepped up to help and it’s been interesting and great too.

Johner Riehl: It’s great! Thank you for sharing that, I’m sorry for the sad parts of that story obviously, for us here and any listeners, I’m sure we’re happy to give you any support that we can.

Hadley Ajana: I wouldn’t trade it for the world. He’s just the joy of my life and if that’s the way it had to happen, that’s the way it had to happen.

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Right and it seems like you just do what you need to do when the time comes, it’s always harder thinking about it but when it happens, you just deal with it.

Nicole Deline: I was terrified when I was pregnant, I was terrified, no idea what was going to happen and you just do step by step.

Johner Riehl: Stuff turns out because time externally marches on and you have to figure these things out.

Dr. Jennifer Schere: It’s kind of like Alcoholics Anonymous, it’s just one day at a time.

Johner Riehl: Right.

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Parenting in general.

Cari Cardaci: And it’s amazing, sometimes you look back on what you’ve done and what you’ve gone through and you’re like, “How did I get through that?”, but you do.

Johner Riehl: Tell us a little bit more about your story, Cari.

Cari Cardaci: Thanks! Well, I always knew I wanted a family and I love kids and I knew early on that if I was going to have kids I was going to need to adopt. So, I kind of put a time limit on it, if I wasn’t married by 35 or so that I was going to start the adoption process and it took me about 2 years to do that and I adopted a 10 month-old, a little girl from Cambodia because as a single parent, really, international adoptions are the only viable options. Got her at 10 months and she had a lot of health issues but we got through that the first year and I would say my biggest challenge really, being a working mom, a working, single mom, day-care and child-care being consistent and loving and trustful, reliable, has been probably one of my biggest challenges.

Johner Riehl: And affordable? I mean, there’s already the cost-benefit analysis we make as a married couple, I know my wife and I do, and as a single parent, it’s even clearer. How much is the day-care going to cost versus how much I am going to make while I’m paying for the day-care?

Cari Cardaci: And quality day care is very, very expensive. I had been working for 15 years or so, so I was very, very lucky that I was financially able to do all this and that really played a big part in allowing me to do this on my own. The loving and reliable part for me was the hardest because handing off your child and going into New York City every day and which is about an hour away, that just gut renting, that was just really, really tough and there’s guilty associated with that and just am I doing the right thing but you get through it and you do the best you can. I mean because it’s always you doing the best you can;

Johner Riehl: Yeah exactly and I mean with the goal in mind but I don’t that think the guilt of handing you kid off is unique to single parents either. I still get it even though the kids go to school right; drop the kid off at camp;

Dr. Jennifer Schere: There’s such that loss.

Johner Riehl: You’re not able to assimilate it, you’re like why can’t I just be with them all the time right? But you can’t right I mean that’s the realities of life

Dr. Jennifer Schere: The loss of control, when you know that it’s going to be helpful for your kid to allow them to grow and to develop their own autonomy; but that experience as a parent is terrifying;

Cari Cardaci: It is and then when Lindsey was probably about 4 or 5 she just begged me for siblings. She wanted a sibling so there was all that emotional of people; but I just I just couldn’t do it. She was just a handful and I just felt that that was way too much even though I, I wanted to because I knew it was important to her and growing and having siblings is just wonderful but I couldn’t do it and so that I knew I would regret that but I had to do what I had to do and not having a father she suffered from that a little bit with her friends and why aren’t you married mom and that kind of thing so I think not having a bigger family has affected her. I think at 16 now she gets it and we’re she’s fine; but growing up in the elementary school here it was tough on her.

Johner Riehl: Is there an age where it’s tougher?

Cari Cardaci: I would say anywhere from like 5 to 10 every other day; why don’t I have a dad, why don’t I have a brother or sister? You know that kind of thing; it was tough because she wanted to be like other kids.

Johner Riehl: Right that’s what so important for kids; that they’re trying to feel; they’re trying to find a place.

Hadley Ajana: I have a question. How much do you feel that for her upset about that was due to feeling different from the other kids and questioning that experience as opposed to really needing that sort of connection at that time?

Cari Cardaci: I think it’s both. I think though being adopted with a single mom in a community of big families, I think she felt it. I do, I think she felt it. We live in suburban New York and it’s you know mini vans and we just want a typical family. I think she’s grown to like that she has me all to herself and I think she’s kind of “for better or for worse” she has me all to herself. I think she’s grown to rely on that, and I think we got through it, but I worry that I haven’t modeled the loving husband-wife relationship for her, growing up, I worry…we spend a lot of time on how men should treat her growing up and self-respect and that kind of thing. I know my daughter is much older than your little toddlers, but those kind of things I try to spend time on and we spend a lot of time with family and that kind of thing, and she’s got two older male cousins that we try to spend a lot of time with too, so…but again, there is no Nirvana, it is what it is, and we just keep moving.

Johner Riehl: Well, and I think it may interestingly enough; kids are going to feel their differences of those ages no matter what their situation is. We have a friend that is an only child and she lies about having siblings because she sees other people has siblings around or kids with siblings might lie about like how old they are or… kids are trying to fit in, in different ways and it’s not just unique as related to single parents. I mean, obviously, a difference between what the parental set up is, but I think the point is that kids are going through…it’s not just the kid of single parents are going through this.

Cari Cardaci: Right! I agree! Kids are desperate to be like other kids.

Johner Riehl: Right! And then as they get older, they’re desperate to not be like other people.

Cari Cardaci: Exactly!

Johner Riehl: Nicole how about your story, how did you end up as a single parent?

Nicole Deline: Well, to start of, I also was raised by a single mom. And my parents split up when I was about 3, 2 or 3 the same age as my son. And it was always fine for me, like I never…I maybe a little bit I wish that they were together, but I don’t even remember that much. I always felt lucky because I had another place to go and they were both really loving parents. We hangout together, we had holidays together with their significant others, and…I mean they were crazy. I mean it’s not very fairytale. I mean both my parents were definitely crazy, but they loved me a lot. So, when I got together with my sons father in grad school. We actually decided we weren’t going to get married. We decided we would have a child and not get married and we talked about it. And we talked about it in the future… like many months ahead and then I happened to get pregnant so I said, “Well, I guess it’s now.”

So, we had Gavin and it just wasn’t working out and probably because… I mean there was a lot of fighting, just miscommunication. We were good friends but it just wasn’t working out as a relationship and probably due to the fact that I was raised in a single parent family and it was really great, I wasn’t really that afraid of doing it. I almost wanted it but I thought what was more important is…I was really unhappy in the relationship and I didn’t want my child to see that. And I’ve seen other kids grow up in unhappy families and I think that that’s worse. I really would rather have had my son see two happy parents separate so that’s what I’m trying to do. We’re getting along pretty well. It’s only been eight months so we still have our ups and downs but we are trying to get along and Gavin seems okay so far.

Johner Riehl: So Dr. Schere what do you think helps single parents feel effective and empowered or they’re doing the right thing or to fight their self doubt?

Dr. Jennifer Schere: I think the social supports are crucial, crucial. Again, just the experience of parenting …there’s such a sense of …you’re in it alone even when you’re living with someone and lovingly connected, just having that responsibility of someone who’s dependent upon you, to have other parents, especially when you’re raising your child on your own… to have other parents who can share the experiences of it, who can really share even the carpooling, the… A lot of… just kind of making it something larger than just the dyad between you and your child can really just enrich the experience, broaden it and buffer a lot of that stress that can impact the family.

Nicole Deline: I recently met a friend who’s also a single parent and the thing that’s nice is we’ll trade-off because it is expensive for day-care and babysitting and all of that so we help each other. And we may not have ever been friends if we didn’t have children…But now we can help each other out from time to time.

Colin Reed: One of the things I wonder about, and I preface this by saying I’m married, is transitioning from being in a relationship and going into single parenthood both for the parent and the kid. And from my perspective, if I was going to transition right now to single parenthood, I would feel like I was… I all ready feel like I am dreaming and I wouldn’t know what to do and so I think that transition is something that I would be interested in learning about if that we were ever to be in a situation…

Nicole Deline: Do you mean financially or emotionally?

Colin Reed: Most in terms of the burden that is been parent, the time and the commitment in addition to your work and whatever else not having a support system, I feel like transitioning from been a committed relationship into single parenting would be…I mean for me and my mind it would be impossible.

Cari Cardaci: I almost think that is more difficult than what I did because I knew I was on my own, so I didn’t know have any lost expectations other than “okay this is on me, if you go from that to then, this is on me” I think in a lot of ways that is much, much harder than what I did.

Nicole Deline: There is enormous grief over your entire life vision to be turned upside down. It is not what you chose like you said, it affects the time yet the parent and child have together. Often times there is a lot of conflict going on and that stress just on an individual and then trying to manage your own emotions, your own grief, your own transitions while also supporting your child's experience of that is huge, that is enormous. A lot of times there is a disruption in extended families, you are reorganizing among conflict and can be very isolating. Another thing to is whether it is single parenting by choice or not that eventually if parent starts dating and getting involved in a newer relationship, that also brings on a whole bunch of different issues that again have to be processed and dealt with in the family.

Dr. Jennifer Schere: I think you both touched on something there because my mother died when I was 6, leaving my father with four children. Myself being the youngest and I think like Colin was saying, I mean he was absolutely overwhelmed, completely swept away by the you know the flood gates had opened, even though her death was imminent, we were expecting it, it still was very difficult for him and dealing with all of those emotionally…I mean I get emotional just talking about it but for him dealing with those emotional situations as an individual himself and then as a parent. I mean he did pretty much everything you are not suppose to do, to see no kind of as a need. So I think that is a really important aspect of your brooch on the subject is that it really doesn’t matter how you get there but it is what happens once you are there. That is important.

Nicole Deline: I do think every situation is different, I know that what you were saying Colin about it been so scary to think about it you couldn’t imagine. I know in my situation I needed to get out because I was so unhappy in it and to my surprise it was tenfold so much about…

Dr. Jennifer Schere: Liberating.

Nicole Deline: Yes, I mean I didn’t have it wasn’t my pressure, I didn’t have the pressure of having to deal with my relationship and maybe I just gave up on that but it became easier and it is not that it is not
difficult but I just don’t think that it is more difficult but financially yes, that part was hard but financially doesn’t hurt as that much as much as emotionally it does. You can deal with it if you have to. Be careful about how you are spend your money but once I was there, I was really surprised to say “Oh! My God I am relieved and it isn’t that bad, I don’t have the pressure of the other person and now how am I going to make this work”.

Cari Cardaci: I would be interested in everybody’s idea. Do you find it hard to ask for help, I personally had to learn how to ask for help? Here I was single working woman in total control, blah, blah, blah and all of a sudden turn the corner and “Oh! My gosh!”, I have to ask for help and I have to ask for help a lot and often and that was really really hard for me to learn. I wonder if other people had that same experience.

Nicole Deline: I have that, I think that’s a personality type. I had that before the child and now like having him yeah, it was tenfold more difficult, “Oh! My God I really do need the help, no, no, no I can do it”.

Johner Riehl: But I think the trick to that too is that people love to help and people are happy to be asked for help and in fact it makes them feel good that something they want to do. So even though there is big block to asking for help whether you are single or not a single parent; what you find I think when you with community that you can find your friends and support group that are happy to help and you as a single parent also probably can find ways to help others as well and it is just positive all around. Alright on that note we will continue the conversation for a long time, we will slightly after we are done but we do need to wrap up the conversation in today’s episode. We will have a little bit of bonus content afterwards. I actually got this one idea that I want to talk about where the kids are sharing their home, where the kids have the home and the parent are the ones that move in and out. So we can talk a little more about that as the bonus content. But thank you so much for everyone for joining us and for sharing your stories and to Colin for and to listening along even though he is not a single parent and for participating as well.

Thanks so much for listening, make sure to check out our website and for those who are interested in joining our club and hearing this bonus content, all the details are on that website as well.

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Johner Riehl: A listener calling out from Jamie, she writes “I have been using your App for the last few weeks and I travel a lot so I don’t always get a strong internet signal. Is there a way to download the episode to my App so that I don’t have to worry about my connection?”

Sunny Gault: Hey everyone, I am Sunny. I am one of the producers on Parent Savers and Jamie, thank you so much for your question. So, YES, you can download episodes to the App. So you don’t have to worry about the connection and it is really easy to do. I am actually looking at my iPhone App right now, if you go to the episodes section, look at the bottom, click on episodes, it will bring up all of your content, right? You will see a faint star next to each episode and if you click on that start, that star actually turns yellow and this faint yellow rings starts to form around the star that is how you know the episode is downloading and it is downloading directly to your App. Once it is done, both the star and the ring around it will be highlighted and that is how you know that this episode is now on your App and you don’t have to worry about an internet signal inorder to listen to the episode. So Jamie, thank you so much for your question, we appreciate it.

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Johner Riehl: That wraps up our show today. We appreciate you listening to the Parent Savers’, thank you so much. Don’t forget to check out sister shows, Preggie Pals’ for Expecting Parents. Our show The Boob Group for Moms Who Breastfeed their babies and coming soon Twin Talks for Parents of Twins and all the issues that apply to that.
Next week, we are going to be talking about “Parenting other Siblings after an Infant Loss”. Definitely join us for that, it is going to be an interesting conversation. Definitely not the light hearted upbeat that we usually used to having but it is important topic and an important month to talk about.
This is Parent Savers’: Empowering New Parents!

This has been a New Mommy Media production. Information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, Medical or advisor care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.

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