The Parent Savers
Postpartum Depression: A Guide for New Dads
Dr. Danny Singley: You may have waited whole life to become a dad or just something you thought about for the last nine months, but the days come when you become a father, there’s so much of emotion and lack of sleep does first weeks, concern for your baby, concern for you partner and as men it’s easy to stuff those sad feelings away to be able support everyone else. Did you know that men can suffer from postpartum depression too? What are the signs? How do you seek help? I am Dr. Danny Singley psychologist in dad educator and this is Parent Savers, episode 25.
K.C. Wilt: Welcome to Parent Savers, broadcasting from the Birth Education Centre of San Diego. I am your host K.C. Wilt. You could now download our free apps. So check it out. It’s on your smart phone or your tablet. Also, another way to get great parenting information is to subscribe to the Parent Savers newsletter with behind scenes content from our show, all the latest and greatest updates. View our website https://www.parentsavers.com for more info and we want you guys to be a part of the show. Did you know you can email one of our experts directly and ask parenting question? Or, if you have a question in an episode that we didn’t answer, send it in. We have so many great and knowledgeable experts partnering with us to get your parenting question answered. So, you can send us an email and you can call hotline and we’ll get them answered. So I am a new parent myself. My son Carson is now 22 months old and I am joined by three new parents in this studio. One happens to be the father of my son [Laughs] and my husband, baby’s daddy [Laughs] and so if he is says he’s says he has a son named Carson, it is the same son. My husband, Jonathan, why don’t you start first?
Jonathan Wilt: Hi, my name is Jonathan Wilt. I am 37. I am a business director for a D.O.D company and of course we have one child, who is a boy who is 22 months old named Carson.
K.C. Wilt: Ah, funny [Laughs]. You too.
Mark Ranallo: Hi I am Mark Ranallo. I am 32. I am a computer programmer. I have a daughter who is ten and half months old named Lily.
Sunny Gault: And my name is Sunny Gault, I am the host and producer of Parent Savers sister show Preggie Pals and I have two little boys. One is just a little bit over two years old and one is almost five months old and hopeful more in the future, will think…
Sunny Gault: 8 months?
K.C. Wilt: Oh my gosh!
Sunny Gault: Now it’s time to have another baby, what you talking about! [Laughs]
[Featured Segments: Daddy Doin’ Work]
Doyin Richards: Hey Parent Savers, its Doyin Richards of Daddy Doin’ Work which is all about being a new dad. Every now and then I’ll come on to talk about some daddy topics. So today, we are talking about things that I am just terrible at now that I am a dad. Everyone loses skills when they get older, you know, might not at that white egg or you might not be smarter that you thought you were, you know, but I am telling you from my skills into some areas are just eroded getting ways I never thought they would erode. For example, I used to model back in days, believe it or not, I used and then when we came off to the end list, image is everything but now I’ve kid I just don’t care; like I am a grown man who walks outside wearing clocks. I mean, who does that I am all about energy conservation. Cooking I used to throw down in the kitchen, it will be best cook ever in his I thought so, but my wife literally cringes when I go to kitchen to make diner for the family, you have loadings for days if you eat one of my meals. I used to be a good basketball player. I played basketball in college; and now your kid let these five six, kids these like high school kids you want circles around me today and just can’t play anymore. I just cannot keep up, but I know that all that stuff is doesn’t really matters because being dad is one thing am truly damn good at. So I got to give myself top score for that, so thank you so much for listening, if you have a parenting topic, please email me at https://email@example.com or visit my Facebook page. Thanks a lot and I’ll see you next time.
K.C. Wilt: Today on Parent Savers, we have Dr. Danny Singley, psychologist and director of Basic Trainee for New Dads here with us to talk about paternal postpartum depression. So Danny, what is paternal postpartum depression and how does it differ from maternal postpartum depression? And while we are on the topic, there’s a lot of buzz [Laughs] so excuses if we fumble over it.
Dr. Danny Singley: That’s right, we can go with P-P-P-D.
K.C. Wilt: Yeah, that’s sound good! [Laughs]
Sunny Gault: Nice pronunciation.
K.C. Wilt: PPPD-so…..
Dr. Danny Singley: That’s a mouthful and maybe nobody talks about is this because it’s mouthful [Laughs].
K.C. Wilt: What’s the difference between Paternal PPD and Maternal PPD?
Dr. Danny Singley: Well, as you’d expect paternal postpartum depression is experienced by wait for it……. the fathers [Audience says Aaaaaa] and its gained a bit more attraction recently in popular media along with the expectation that fathers are much more involved even very early after birth along with that has come the awareness that they can also have some of the same psychiatric issues that moms have as well. I don’t think that the phenomenon is new. I think that awareness of it is new and so I am happy to be on this show to talk about it.
K.C. Wilt: Well, with maternal postpartum depression we have hormones and everything, what’s the guys, do they have hormones too?
Dr. Danny Singley: Indeed, indeed we do. [Laughs] I could say much more about that. [Laughs] But, it’s a good question that you’ve asked. Let me back up and say the difference typically between maternal and paternal postpartum depression is in the way that its expressed, in terms of as if you have close your eyes and imagine someone experiencing postpartum depression you are likely to imagine a woman who is experiencing hopelessness and sadness maybe, you know, crying or things like that, whereas typical male way of expressing postpartum depression on the one hand it tends to develop later like, the diagnostic criteria for a depression with a postpartum on set, it requires it to happen within four weeks after birth, whereas the research shows that men typically, it won’t manifest as quickly after birth but then levels of depression will increase throughout the year so there is part of it is the diagnostic issue. It’s harder to diagnose it for men.
Jonathan Wilt: I was I think I was reading that the highest prevalence is at, you know after four weeks.
Dr. Danny Singley: Indeed!
Jonathan Wilt: On set.
K.C.Wilt: We were joking, coz it’s when we have to go to back to work.
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah!
Jonathan Wilt: Yeah [Laughs].
Dr. Danny Singley: Exactly right, we are as men then when they experience it or express it typically men had less practice at actually putting their feelings out there, first of all realizing them and then expressing them little and expressing in to somebody else. So when men do experience postpartum depression, it tends to be much more….. then they will have a sense of anxiety that goes along with it, there will be irritable frustrated and they will be more aggressive than usual with drawn not taking pleasure in the things that they used to do so, not really outward expressions of sadness. That’s the big difference for people to understand between maternal and paternal postpartum depression.
Jonathan Wilt: And when we are talking, are these people that are, is there a higher instance of them being depressed prior to the, are they pre disposed to being depressed like they experienced depression early on?
Dr. Danny Singley: Absolutely.
Jonathan Wilt: Okay.
Dr. Danny Singley: Absolutely, in fact three of the biggest risk factors for men to develop a postpartum depression are one, naturally is a history of psychiatric, history with depression and some sort of disorder. The other big risk factor is maternal postpartum depression. So if a mother experiences PPD the likely, the partner is gonna develop PPD goes up by something like you know 50%. [Audience says oh] Another one is any other co-morbid psychiatric conditions, so if the dad already has let’s say, an anxiety disorder or you know, something else going on CD like this more likely to develop depression. You’d asked about hormones?
K.C. Wilt: Um hmm.
Dr. Danny Singley: So yeah! It comes back to this. Yeah absolutely! So, there are scads of research studies that have been conducted over, you know, last fifty years to look at what are the causes and quartets of maternal postpartum derpression on of which has looked at inconsistent hormones, how do they relate to the experience of depression. There has been very little on fathers and it is funny because I know certainly, I wasn’t thinking along these lines you don’t tend to think about dads having hormonal changes that are associated with pregnancy and birth because you know, intuitively it’s a biological thing. It’s happening inside the moms, she’s got the ones you know, she’s got the systems that are all in flux and …
K.C. Wilt: But dads do gain baby weight?
Dr. Danny Singley: We do, [Laughs] it’s like scissors kind of sympathetic hormonal response.
K.C. Wilt: It is sympathetic thing.
Dr. Danny Singley: No we do. Interestingly, what we’ve seen is that testosterone levels through pregnancy and then you know, you are so postpartum, that testosterones levels go down which makes sense because it is less aggression, there gonna have be more able to concentrate, stronger attachment, men’s estrogen increases. I know nobody wants hear that, but it’s true. There’s a concomitant decrease in estrogen level while testosterone as you estrogen goes up or testosterone going down. Another important hormone is prolactin which is critically for developing and maintaining parental care giving behaviors in men and it arises steadily beginning in the third trimester and stays that way through the end of the baby’s life. So not only do men have hormonal response…
Sunny Gault: So that may become sensitive, is that the sensitive senses hormone?
Dr. Danny Singley: That’s right! Well, if you think about it every word evolution were designed to have successful little genetic suitcases that lived to sexually maturity and then have their own. I don’t mean to break it you know, it all. [Laughs] We love our babies and all, but it makes perfect sense that our hormonal systems would support that. If you think about it then if one of those hormonal systems gets off in other words testosterone doesn’t go down, estrogen doesn’t go up, the prolactin doesn’t kick in, then it could be this is total speculation, there’s is no resources support this; but it’s possible that then father wouldn’t be as engaged, might be more likely to develop a postpartum depression.
Mark Ranallo: I mean, is it so is his engagement that’s the one of the factors or one of the triggers, I mean one of the what do you say, things that gives it away like….
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah.
Mark Ranallo: …… the level of engagement with the child?
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah, it is as well with the partner, I mean it is sort of, if you come from whole family wellness perspective, you’ve got to look at the system and mom and dad and baby.
K.C. Wilt: Now I know a lot of dads, not my husband what so ever cos he is a fantastic……
Jonathan Wilt: Thank you!
K.C. Wilt: [Laughs]
Dr. Danny Singley: We’ll talk after the show!
K.C. Wilt: I know, [Laughs] it actually no seriously but, I know a lot of dads gone I can count on how many diapers I have changed on one hand, you know and we know second, third crying here, passing what that all dads do their like “I can’t help you here. Mommy can help you, he must be hungry” [Laughs]
Sunny Gault: Great yeah, that’s always, rescue… [Laughs]
Jonathan Wilt: Yeah, baby is hungry. [Laughs]
K.C. Wilt: Yeah, baby’s hungry, everything is baby’s hungry [Laughs].
Dr. Danny Singley: That’s a cop-out.
Sunny Gault: Thank you Danny!
K.C.Wilt: It is hungry [Laughs].
Jonathan Wilt: Dad up you guys! [Laughs]
Mark Ranallo: When he is 21, I’ll get in a beer! [Laughs]
K.C. Wilt: So there is a lot of dads out there who just shut off and say you know, I don’t do diaper, I’ll handle them when they are older. Is that actually lack of engagement or them just you know, being lack of engagement because they are that type of guy?
Dr. Danny Singley: It’s often times due to a lack of modeling. One of the kind of head fix that gets new dads is they are aware of the there’s this expectation that they are supposed to be much more involved with infants, with brand new babies, but they don’t how. Nobody ever showed them how. They don’t have solid models to show them that they’ve been often times their dads weren’t that way if you look at popular media the big thing is the bumbling dad, you know, that’s not engaged and then you know, the hands that kid off to mom is around or just isn’t there. So that’s one point, that’s critically important. Another one not three in bus song, but this whole thing about you know, hey I’ll come back when you are twenty one and I can give you a beer, it’s an example of a typically mindset where folks will say you know, parenting of an infant is mothering and its pervasive. It’s out there. I mean people think of….. if you think about care for a little baby, babies with mom and dads, in fact they can contribute to a sense of depression or sadness where dads often times don’t see this coming during their pregnancy where infant is born and they feel helpless and they see mom you know, providing and nursing and all this and they don’t feel as connected to baby. They have it in their mind that she’s really only one that’s interacting with the baby. She’s the one that’s getting connected to and attached to the babies and dads don’t understand really what’s going on a neurological level for babies. They are doing a lot in terms of searching the world. They are looking for faces. They are trying their built to bond and connect and they can do that with dad every bit is easiest as they can do with mom, but dads will often get caught in this. I feel like I am out of the loop and you can get right in there particularly if mom is behind that, moms like you know hold, soothe, change and that’s where the bonding starts.
Jonathan Wilt: The concept of paternal postpartum depression when I was thinking about it was I was kind of like maybe it’s every dad kind of experiences loss of freedom when the baby shows up that they might not be expecting….
Dr. Danny Singley: Um hmm!
Jonathan Wilt: First time dads and so I was up when maybe it’s just they are sad about that and then it builds, you know, like that’s what triggers it and it kind of goes on, you know. Is that a part of the thing like, is that a way that triggers postpartum depression? Is that part of it? Is that you know, is that related at all to it or is that just something that every dad experiences maybe not every dad but you know, most?
Dr. Danny Singley: I would say virtually every dad does experience a role transition. You can’t nod because you go from it’s just a two of us as you said with first time dads.
Jonathan Wilt: Right!
Dr. Danny Singley: And then there is this is pain, assuming we are talking about a traditional family structure or it’s mom and dad and then the baby and there’s for any adjustment in life there is some amount of adjustment stress. It don’t have to be a lot but, in the process of adjusting to that role, yeah, people look back and you know, we’re still we are talking about surfing and all that, I used to be able to just wait for conditions when it was perfect. I can drive up [Laughs] down the coast and now it’s like you know, what I am surfing at 5.15 in the morning and I could I mean it sounds trivial but if your surfer it’s not. I used to be able to do that and part of my role now is yeah, I can do it, but looks different and yeah, it will be great to wait until up at you know.
Mark Ranallo: Now it’s more of a mission! [Laughs]
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah, exactly! [Laughs]
Mark Ranallo: You have an objective then you have a timeframe for it.
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah exactly! What I would say the trick is for adjusting to that role in manner typically terrible doing is by attracting support and communicating and critically if you think about it with maternal postpartum depression being as highly co-related with paternal postpartum depression its suggest that the father is very attuned to mom and so conversely if he doesn’t feel like he’s getting much support from mom as a parent that can drive paternal postpartum depression. On the other side of it if he is getting a lot of support from her then it can turn it around and that can help him with the adjustment to the role.
Mark Ranallo: As this kind of happens you know, can it come and go after the baby’s born for the men and then if it does I mean how long they last?
K.C.Wilt: Till they are eighteen! [Laughs]
Dr. Danny Singley: It’s very good question and I would……. my guess is that if there isn’t in existing history of other psychiatric disorders particularly depression that the adjustment stress in another factors the role change and the change in social support and your schedule, would most likely localize it to within the year after birth. If you don’t already have an existing history typically I wouldn’t expected to you know hanging around forever. It typically things that trigger it are likely to stabilize or even change as the baby develops and you know, your lives shifts to the new expanded family.
Sunny Gault: How do you recognize the signs that your husband or you if you’re the dad have postpartum depression?
Dr. Danny Singley: So there is, yeah, there is the actual diagnostic criteria which I think are not all entirely appropriate to men’s postpartum depression. There is this term out there in, you know, popular psychology which is” Alexithymia”, say with me now Alexithymia [Audience say along with Doctor the term] and the idea is that it’s the phenomenon by which men not only don’t express their feelings but are often times unaware of them and the trick is for the dad to actually be aware, hey, all of the sudden, I am not taken as much joy in what I used to be or you know what I am actually grieving the loss of what my life used to be like or I am a lot crankier than I had been in the past and it can be very confusing for mom in the picture when all of sudden like what’s going on with and like I am working on my own stuff and all of a sudden dads starts kind of going on little hey wire in a way, is there just some off about him you know what’s going on and often times moms will take it personally, as opposed to wait a sec there’s something going on and I can be a part of the solution here and its recognizing within one’s self, the guy which really happens unless it really gets to a place where they are not just anxious and irritable there, you know they’re vegetative, they don’t want to leave the couch and they don’t wanna go to work and when he gets that bad, then typically he will snap to and say okay, something is going on here, but if having mom understanding that it can play out and it plays out differently and not taking it personally but dads never want it, even if you do recognize it, in that situation mom is stressed, mom is hardly any time your typical dad whose in like I got a provide mode. He’s not gonna counter and say I got issues. It doesn’t happen all that often but when it does moms are the key role to be able to be supportive and to communicate with him and to get him to, there a lot of things you can do to seek help.
K.C. Wilt: What can moms do if they start to see some of these signs? What’s a good way to approach and I know every guy is different, but if you’re starting to see this in your spouse, I would imagine a lot of women who want to help. What’s the good way for a woman to approach that from a man’s point of view?
Dr. Danny Singley: Well, to provide support in two ways, one is inside the marriage, inside the relationship and that can look different, that you know, that can be we have some sofa time where we sit and talk for a like you know like 15-20 minutes and we don’t talk about baby stuff, we talk about us like, how are you doing and don’t have to be a you know, cry fest by any means, but it should be checking in and then asking, hey I know that you want to take care of me and you wanna provide but I also want to do that for you. What can I do, and so I talked earlier about dads, moms being very you know, prescriptive and specific about how dad can be supportive of baby, doing the same thing with themselves and saying hey, how can I be supportive to you, what’s specifically can I do and so that’s within the relationship. Another thing is everybody needs meal time, but it feels like a want to instead of have to but adjustments stress, you can manage it very, very well by getting support and so for guys it can be moms saying listen you haven’t gone and hung out with Larry for a while, take a Sunday afternoon and go do that and I will be fine. Then you know lot of times dads are like no I don’t wanna do that, that’s not fair and you spend all day but having mom really do the social chair role and saying you know get out there and you’re gonna come back more refreshed better in to the relationship.
K.C. Wilt: Great, thank you so much! We’ll talk about ways to reach out and get help when we return.
K.C. Wilt: We are back with Dr. Danny Singley, psychologist and Director of Basic Trainee for New Dads and we are here to talking about Paternal postpartum Depression. So Dr. Danny, how do you know when to get help, when you are dad?
Dr. Danny Singley: Often times it’s because things have gotten to the point where the father or the mother, somebody has noticed that they have gotten overwhelmed and are basically miserable beyond what it is that you would expect from the typical okay, you know, I know it’s gonna be hard in the first few months. Often times its and it is going on for a longer than it is anticipated. I would also say that listening for sort of between the lines from friends, they may, you know, they may not say, “dude I think your depressed”, but they may be like, “hey man, we haven’t seen your around very much” and on one hand it’s easier to say, “oh, it is because, you know, I have got kid and this and that” but I can also be like cos your isolating it’s like, I feel bad about myself, I don’t think I am a good father, I don’t think I am doing well this parenting thing and so I project and assume other people will be doing it as well. There are number of different ways to determine or, you know, how would I notice it and let me first back up and say one of the reasons why postpartum depression in men is now coming on radar is its getting attention has something which causes negative outcomes long term for dad, for mom and for baby and even these things include an insecure attachment styles so that the baby doesn’t take as much comfort, isn’t able to bond as well and for the kids to have both emotional and behavior issue. Within the relationship, there’s an increased amount of parental conflict, decrease support as I already mentioned but the question is how? You know, folks will say, you know, postpartum depression relates to these other things and so what I do I put together a quick graph that shows one way where having postpartum depression can result in negative child outcome.
K.C.Wilt: And we’ll post this on https://www.parentsavers.com?
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah, and this is actually part of research program that I am working on right now and believe it or not this is the period down version. [Laughs] Just going left or right on it essentially, started with paternal inputs you know, we are demographic characteristics things that dad has going on one of which in this case is postpartum depression. You could see its dually related first to support, so support from partner and family and friends but then also translates in to efficacy presumptions. Efficacy just means confidence and so, the partner other efficacy means the extent which I am confident in you being a father of an infant, myself efficacy is extents which I have confidence in myself. Both of those are very really important as drivers to what dad does and doesn’t do. How much he really gets in the mix with the infant, that sense of confidence then drives in this I am using a social cognitive approach to this one dirty research thing. [Laughs] But, you know, performance domains in this case are how am I, you know, in course of performing as a partner, co-parenting of an infant as well as being directly involved with the infant and it’s that involvement with partner and baby which then drives to my way of thinking these outcomes and the outcomes are first like I said the paternal ones, how’s my relationship satisfaction, how satisfied am I with myself as a parent, generally what’s my overall level of psychologically well-being which then relate to child outcomes. There’s a lot more to it. This certainly isn’t some explanatory model or grand unified model of every pedicel with biology you know, a whole lot of social stuff in there. But to me this is a useful way to say okay, if I recognize that I have some postpartum depression going on, what does that mean in terms of what I am doing, how am I feeling, what I am thinking.
Mark Ranallo: So you’ve reached a point where somebody have realized whether it being you or your partner as you something is not right, something is definitely off. What are some steps to take to….. ones you’ve realized that you have paternal postpartum depression?
Dr. Danny Singley: Well, as I said I feel like a book record on this one [Laughs] and it keeps coming up, the first line is always social support.
Mark Ranallo: Yeah.
Dr. Danny Singley: And you might also realize there may been some negative behaviors that are creeping in that maybe didn’t used to do. You might be drinking or starting use drugs or staying away from the house longer or other things along those unhealthy ways to cope with that stress so support number one, but they are also a variety of other approaches to take, one of which involves go get some counseling, go and talk someone there. There are very well validated approaches to treatment with postpartum depression for women as well as for men and there’s always the medication option as well which carries with it a stigma and you know, a typically the same guy that’s okay with getting a cast on his leg doesn’t wanna know go get on medication because you know, it’s not okay to have that going getting psychiatric evaluation as well.
K.C.Wilt: See you talked about counseling and everything I mean guess, how do you seek when aren’t you go find you know, to go to your doctor and have someone refer you to one or….?
Dr. Danny Singley: This gets out of I think of bigger question which is paternal postpartum depression even for mental health professional isn’t entirely on radar, little bit of tangent but I think it’s important. The level of divorce in the country being in you know, at around 50% and the amount of stress that typically comes immediately after baby to me I think that often times women are screened, they’ll give ’em like a quick depression like you have felt what people could think….
K.C.Wilt: I know.
Dr. Danny Singley: and it’s like how’re you know are you crying?
K.C.Wilt: Yes right!
Dr. Danny Singley: I think it would be much more responsible to have dads do that. But dad isn’t patient. But, if we wanna take a whole family reproductive wellness approach you’re gonna screen dad as well because if mom is okay, dads depressed there are still those negative outcomes.
K.C.Wilt: Then mom becomes depressed cos you said when ones depressed other one depressed?
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah, well typically its so far in the literature mostly when moms depressed it drives dad but exactly what you’re saying when doing dad gets really spun out, it’s gonna impact mom as well.
K.C. Wilt: If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy! [Laughs]
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah, it’s absolutely true. So typically what happens is folks would go to their primary care person and say you know, I am, I don’t know, I don’t have this much pep in my step or you know, communicate in a way like that the way that guys would some image come out and say I feel depressed and depending on the doctor how they do it or they may just say, “hey, I am gonna give you prescription” or they may refer them to a psychiatrist.
K.C. Wilt: We as parent Savers we can reach out to you. So, if your listeners feel free to send us an email and you can email Dr. Danny Singley directly and you actually have some comments that people have readily so tell us about that.
Dr. Danny Singley: I do, one fourth is relevant to the support peace, patient of mine said my wife and I support each other but no extended family this schedules relentlessly weeks and months just barrel by and all you can do is, just try to keep your hand above water, it kinda of sucks but then it again it could be a whole lot worse and I should just be thankful for what I have and so the cheese are apart a little bit is one I am having trouble keeping up and I don’t have as much support as I am hoping for, but that part at the end it could be whole lot worse. Okay, fine that’s true but you can hear that discounting start.
Mark Ranallo: Right, correct.
Dr. Danny Singley: Its I don’t wanna like feel entitled; I am comparing this to some others who are catastrophic situation.
K.C.Wilt: Like I don’t have the right to be upset about this, yes.
Dr. Danny Singley: Correct.
Jonathan Wilt: Right.
Dr. Danny Singley: And that mindset is very, it’s a very common way that men will discount and not feeling entitled to hate, this is actually really really difficult for me.
Jonathan Wilt: I think for guys you know, we are looking for a sense of being content?
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah.
Jonathan Wilt: You know, in the whole process so we are not involved in the first nine months and then when then baby comes out there’s still that disconnect…… we are trying to get a connected and then as the schedule start and when you start getting in with the feedings and you know, and then you got to go to work and mommy is…. Mom will go back to work and then as your patience said here they have no support as she’s like well could be a lot worse, we could be living you know somewhere else, we could have no money, we could be homeless we could have no food, you know, so there is a level the guys says look I am providing there’s a sense of contentment, maybe she should thinking hey, you know, this could be whole lot worse, and there’s a whole many other things can be wrong, we can be an unhealthy diseases right so?
Dr. Danny Singley: It’s true.
Jonathan Wilt: On the physical.
Mark Ranallo: Yeah, it starts triggering down like that entire negative track at least for at this level right? So…..
Dr. Danny Singley: Absolutely, absolutely!
K.C. Wilt: Do you have one more you wanna share?
Dr. Danny Singley: I do, I do. This one speaks to the fairly common experience of new dads feeling like I am not as attached to my infant particularly right after birth and so what he said was, “the only drawback is as men with trying to find the time to do anything selfish for yourself, it’s not all about the kid which I am totally fine with, in the beginning it was tough to mentally and emotional connect with him since he didn’t really communicate or interact”. Since guys don’t have this same bond with baby like the mother does since we didn’t carry him or her for last nine months, I can see and understand a feeling of being left out or uninvolved with growth and process. I was able to power her through look towards the eventually goal of chasing him around him the house, the airports, the mall, the parked center. So again since you are already on the bus coz I threw you there, [Laughs] there are these Tuesday one of which just said which was you know I was isn’t involved for nine months and I would say that in fact you are, you are not just indirectly via mom but baby is in utero, hearing your voice. When our babies are born from the get go, they will recognize dads voice if your around as mainly talking and they have these studies where they’ll show these you know, brand new born they hear dads when they’re significantly more likely to turn and look at dad and so I would say you are involved in those first nine month. But, this question about the bond, if dads want to wait until there’s that gross motor activity that guys like so much or are missing out on some early bonding, it’s important to realize that bonding isn’t some physically thing that you can see. Bonding is at one level the baby is having a neurological response to her or his environment and she’s set up to look for you and to be interested in to sort of you know, making eye contact is bonding, it’s not just you know, “Hey, high five me by any stretch and so that….
Jonathan Wilt: That’s a good one!
Dr. Danny Singley: Yeah [Laughs]. But that sentiment was doesn’t interact, doesn’t communicate is I think one of the big drivers for dads in that very, very early postpartum stage where they feel left out and they don’t feel connected to the baby, it’s because they don’t realize how hard the baby is actually working to connect and to have that relationship.
Mark Ranallo: I think it kind ties in. I mean, it ties around with things are at their hardest to the babies that they have the new baby, if the mother is feeling some depression then suddenly you know, that you can see how it all kind of ties together in a creative thing…
Dr. Danny Singley: Oh yeah!
Jonathan Wilt: In an environment which would foster the depression in the dad.
Dr. Danny Singley: Absolutely!
K.C.Wilt: One is funny we know our son is 22 months old and it’s so funny when I am home and dad is home, he is a very well behaved boy. He is content in his life, he is happy, he feels safe but then when my husband goes to work and everything he’ll get out of control, do this and I noticed such a difference when our family unit is together that our child flourishes when we are all together. So, thank you so much Dr. Danny Singley for helping us learn about paternal postpartum depression and get the right care so if you more information on Dr. Singley, go to today’s show on our episode page and if you wanna send him a comment or question, you can in send it there or send us our email or you can visit his website, https://www.newdadsclass.com.
[Featured Segments: Protecting Your Children]
K.C.Wilt: Before we wrap up today’s show, here’s the detective Damian Jackson with some great tips on protecting your children.
Damien Jackson: Hey Parent Savers, this is Detective Damien Jackson with Escondido Police department for Family Protection Unit and Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force here in San Diego California. As part of the Escondido police dept. ongoing series of community outreach education to help families and hence there personal safety, I am here today talk to you about what I call “Facebook floaters” and one of our previous segments, I talked about how unfiltered Facebook settings will make your personal information available to any stranger on the internet, very bad news indeed. Well now that you have taken that advice and cleaned up your settings so that only those on your friend list can see your information let’s talk about another issue to address, those people on your friend list that I have referred to as the “Facebook floaters”- What is the Facebook Floater? Let’s dig in do it. I am asking a huge number of friends on Facebook is very important, if we are talking about a page free business or for our police dept. for example. This is a good thing as you wanted to get the word out and gain as many followers if you can to promote your business or the services that you provide in community. However, Facebook for business and Facebook for personal use are two very different animals. For business page, you are not going to include your personal information or pictures of your family. For your personal page you probably will include these things. My suggestion is this. Look at all of the people on your friend list and go through each one individually. As you pull up each person ask yourself, “what is exactly is my relationship with this person”? And how comfortable am I having with this person knowing all the same information that I would share with an immediate family member. You might be surprised how many people are on that list that you either don’t really know at all and have never even met in person or that you have even seen them in 20 years. Again if it’s someone who you have never met in person, how comfortable are you really in sharing your personal information with them? Removing them from list is really no loss at all and it protects you and your family members all and much more. For more information on how you can keep your family safe, visit us on Facebook or Twitter at /Escondido Police with Escondido Police Dept. and San Diego internet Crime against Children Task Force, I am detective Damien Jackson reminding you and your family to be smart and be safe.
K.C.Wilt: That wraps up todays show. We love to hear from you. If you have a question for our expert about today’s show or the topics we discussed ,call our Parent Savers hotline as 619-866-4775 or send us an email through our website https://www.parentsavers.com or Facebook page and we’ll answer your question in an upcoming episode. Thanks for listening to Parent Savers, empowering new parents everywhere!
This has been a New Mommy Media Production. The Information and materials contained in this episode are presented for educational purpose only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though such information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, medical and advice or care. And should not be used for diagnosing or treating healthcare problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified healthcare provider.
[00:36.52] [End Of Audio]