Transcript: Childbirth Preparation Methods: Hypnobirthing
Childbirth Preparation Methods: Hypnobirthing
Care Messer : When you picture your baby’s birth, do you picture a natural, calm and more relaxed experience? Are you looking for a way to sort through your surges by releasing the fear and the tension that triggers the pain of labor and just deliver then Hypnobirthing may be the perfect fit. I am Care Messer, Birth Doula and Hypnobirthing Child Birth Educator and this is Preggie Pals, Episode 30.
Sunny Gault : Welcome to Preggie Pals, broadcasting from the Birth Education Center of San Diego. I am your host, Sunny Gault. How would you like to win $300 dollars in pregnancy and parenting prizes? All you have to do is sign up for our Preggie Pals Newsletter and you will automatically be entered. Simply subscribe through our website and we will draw a winner at the end of the month. And if you haven’t joined the Preggir Pals club, you are missing out on some great contents including all of our archived episodes, bonus interviews like the one we are going to share right after this interview is over and much more. Visit https://www.preggiepals.com for more information. So, we have a packed house today lots of ladies in the studio. A lot of times we have pregnant women but we have some women who have already given birth and since we are talking about Hypnobirthing. They have given birth using the Hypnobirthing method. So let’s meet our panelists, Stephanie start this out.
Stephanie Saalfeld : Hi, I am Stephanie Saalfeld. I am 29 years. I am a Gemologist, due January 9th with my first child, a girl and we are having a hospital birth.
Samantha Bey : Hi, I am Samantha Bey. I am also 29 years unfortunately going to be 30 years in about a week. But, I’m gonna hold on 29 years as long as I can. I just gave birth to a baby girl, Emma, about 5 weeks ago using Hypnobirthing and we did a hospital birth and it was fantastic.
Luna Pecararo : Hi, I am Luna Pecararo and I just delivered a baby Angelo two months ago using Hypnobirth and it was the best experience in my life.
Elisa Suter : Hi, I am Elisa Suter. I am 32 years. I am a wedding planner and I am due April 12th, we aren’t sure of the gender but we will be finding it out soon and this is gonna be our first child and we’re having a hospital birth.
Wallis Levin : Hi, I am Wallis Levin, I am 28 years. I am six and a half months pregnant. I am a Professional Organizer and I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl.
Sunny Gault : We have so many organized people on this half of this room, a wedding planner and an organizer you guys need to get together, that’s awesome. Well, thank you ladies for joining us today.
[Featured Segments: The Best Online Pregnancy Resources]
Sunny Gault : Before we start today’s show here is Janet McColic with some of the best online pregnancy resources.
Janet McColic : Hello Preggie Pals, I am Janet McColic of Birth Well. We at the Birth Well believe that as a mother who makes the right decisions for your pregnancy and birth. When you have accessed evidence based information and a strong support system that’s why I am here to share with you new media tools to find the information that’s right for you. We would like to think that most of the decisions are health Care providers make in pregnancy and birth are based on the latest most accurate research. The reality though according to a recent study is that the guidelines obstetricians use to make decisions about our care are only based in research about authored as the time. Rebecca Baker is a Ph.D. in assistant professor nursing was dedicated to finding the highest in all the research evidence and training it into summaries that you can use. For blogs the happening names, https://www.theevidencebased.com provides everything you need to advocate for your birth. Want to talk to your doctor about continued fetal monitoring, printout the short practice bulletin written in the language doctors speak to share and start off the conversation. Want to know more about what the research tells us about the most effected pushing position, there is a post on that too that you can read plus the real life testimonials for mothers to try the positions themselves. You can find Rebecca’s blog at https://www.evidencebasedbirth.com, you can also join the conversation on her Facebook page. Just follow the links from the blog. Thanks for listening to today’s tool of finding the information that’s right for you and be sure to listen to Preggie Pals for more great pregnancy tips in the future.
Sunny Gault : Today, we are continuing our series focused on childbirth preparation methods. Now, these episodes are designed to give you crash course on whether or not you would want to take a childbirth class but it is not intended to replace these classes. Care Messer is joining us here in the studio. She is a Birth Doula, a Hypnobirthing Child Birth Educator and the owner of this lovely facility the Birth Education Center of San Diego so, welcome Care.
Care Messer : Thank you.
Sunny Gault : It’s been a while, we had you on our very first episode.
Care Messer : We did.
Sunny Gault : Yes.
Care Messer : You still consider me as an expert.
Sunny Gault : I know, right? You keep fooling me day after day.
Care Messer : You are desperate then, you are still desperate. [Laughs]
Sunny Gault : Hey, I know your Hypnobirthing stuff. So, let’s dive into this. Let’s talk about the main principles behind Hypnobirthing.
Care Messer : Hypnobirthing is instinctual birth. Your body knows what to do and when you don’t have the fear surrounding birth, you can let your body go in and do what it’s supposed to do. So, the basic philosophy written by the owner of Hypnobirthing, the founder is that birth is a natural, physiological process and it’s a beautiful process for your family. It’s not a hospital-patient process but it’s a birth of a child. It’s a celebration.
Sunny Gault : Okay, I have to be honest because we have done a couple of these episodes where you know, we talk about the Bradley method and we have talked about little mass and different things like that. And I feel like a lot of these sounds similar initially so, what are some of the key things that separate Hypnobirthing for some of these other childbirth preparation methods?
Care Messer : I will tell you why they sound the same, Hypnobirthing, little mass and Bradley are all based on Dr. Grantly Dick-Read’s principles in childbirth without fears.
Sunny Gault : Okay.
Care Messer : So, that’s exactly why they all sound the same.
Sunny Gault : Even birthing from within though I feel like it talks about you know, really tapping into birth and understanding that it is a natural process. There is a common denominator with a lot of these.
Care Messer : There is and that’s why when moms come to me and say this “Is right for me?” I want them to investigate all four and then one will sing to their heart and in there stomach that, that’s it. And that’s how I thought when I found Hypnobirthing and because I was looking at all of them and I also used to think well my husband will do, he probably and he wouldn’t do any of them either so, it was kind of all of like whatever. So, he had to resonate with me and once you start investigating each individual one it will speak to you, you know, birthing from within is more art and more textural and touchy and that kind of a thing that seems to some people. Hypnobirthing might seem, speak to somebody and just have a lot of fears and they need to task into and figure out why they have the fears. And then they want something more common and little more peaceful. Bradley method they want every bit of information from that egg to the sperm all the way down. And that speaks to lot of people too. They are all are incredible methods and they all speak the same song. Your body can do this. You know you can do it and that will help you.
Sunny Gault : Yeah.
Care Messer : And you will figure out which tool pattern is what you need.
Sunny Gault : Okay, that makes sense. Okay, so I think sometimes when people hear Hypnobirthing they think Hypno says and they think “I am putting myself into a sleep, do I really wanna do that?” Is that a misconception?
Care Messer : It’s a total misconception. Hypnobirthing is just a way of distracting your mind so that your body can do what it’s supposed to do. We are so full of fears especially in our society, in our country that we shut off what our natural mammalian body will do because we are terrified. And once we do a lot of fear release work and a lot of fear talk work because once you realize “I don’t wanna do this, I am scared of this” you completely shut your body down. If you are in your thinking brain which is the front part of your head in your cortex you will never birth it will take you for you know, ever intervention. If you can go back to your mammalian brain or your primal brain so to speak and let go and surrender to it, it’s awesome.
Sunny Gault : This is some $25 dollar word.
Care Messer : Thank you.
Sunny Gault : I am pretty impressed.
Care Messer : I limit myself before I can. Yeah, I had to buff up on my education when I am teaching a students or nurses because it is way more advanced in the big words.
Sunny Gault : Well, I have heard and actually some of you women had given birth using Hypnobirthing can try them on this, I have heard that women that do Hypnobirthing, people have come into the room and it is just very peaceful. And they could be in the middle of the surge and they, you know, you would never know and I think that this shows how powerful the mind can be in overcoming something because I have felt surges and that is not a place that I felt very comfortable. But I do believe in mind over matter. So, the ladies that have experienced Hypnobirthing, tell me a little bit about your experience and what you felt?
Samantha Bey : I will tell you mine quick. One of the things that, that you know, kind of speaks to that is that I had pictures taken during the birth and after I’m looking at the pictures I can see you know, myself in the tub and myself with my husband. And I knew from the pictures that I was having surges during those pictures but in the pictures you can’t tell it all I look like I am sleeping. I didn’t feel like I was sleeping and I certainly was feeling the surges but I definitely in the pictures you can’t tell and the nurses did say that you know, we had our flame with candles going you know, we had the rainbow relaxation, recording going. And I remember my doctor came in and he said “well, suzan in here” I didn’t respond well, I responded probably with a loud moan but you know, yeah to the, to the outside participant it does really look like peaceful.
Sunny Gault : Yeah.
Luna Pecararo : Yeah, I actually we videotaped all the labor and when I saw the video back I was like very surprised like, you know, the breathing that I was having and it just take you really to another place. And even the nurses and even the doctor they were so amazed, how you can deal with the pain. Like you know, you deal your pain with your breathing. You go to the happy place and you like you know, you really like you start to imagine “I am birthing my child and this is amazing” Like you know, actually my doctor told me then I was like never so breathing like with your breathing you can really surrender to your body just like, you know, just like you know, Care said. It’s just like an easting you surrender to your fear and the baby comes out.
Sunny Gault : Yeah, Care where does that strength come from?
Care Messer : You know what, motivation, your mind is very powerful and you do just any kind of birthing experience you train like a marathon. And you get in whatever method you choose, what you put into is what you get out of it and you can read a book and go to a class and say I wanna do this and never that core of you inside hasn’t committed you are not gonna do it. There is no way and your mind will hold one thought so you are gonna hold positive, it’s gonna hold negative and we do it little thing in our first class were everybody focus on a pen and hold on to this pen whether holding it tight I am telling it truly so, might hold them tight. The goal is to really hold it tight, the pen tight in your hand and or else someone will drop that pen and everybody is like” Oh! You dropped the pen?” The goal is to drop the pen but the people that are holding on tight, if you, if your mind can hold either tight or let it go it has to do one or the other. So, in a birthing situation it’s either surrender or go with the flow or hold it tight “Oh! My Gosh I can do this” then of course your body goes “Oh! My Gosh I can do this.”
Sunny Gault : Yeah.
Care Messer : So, it’s a choice and you really have to practice and that’s what the method teaches you is how to practice in letting go and surrendering with the flow because you never know what’s gonna happen at your birth? It could be awesome, magical with birthing angels showing up with fairness or it could be everything you never wanted showing up your door and you have to be old to flow with that.
Sunny Gault : When is our natural tendency though care I mean, the society just told us that birth is painful you know, get your epidural whatever, are we naturally trained to think that it’s uncomfortable or is there more natural tendency to you know, like I hear about animals going to a dark place and just you know, coming within themselves?
Care Messer : We have to realize that we are mammals and think about how cat gives birth.
Sunny Gault : Alright.
Care Messer : They go into a dark quite place, they get centered, they don’t yell for meds or drugs and freak out. They get centered, they start to breathe, alright where is my epidural?
Sunny Gault : That would be my dog.
Care Messer : And then and they are fine and they are birthing their kitten and as soon as you open that closet door and go Kay is having a baby and you get excited, they immediately stop, their cervix closes up. They grab their one kitten and then they are after your garage and they are up pooping on the Christmas for 3 weeks. But once they are calm and safe again their cervix opens up and they are able to birth and the same way, how did we create this baby, it was quiet, it was intimate, it was sexual.
Sunny Gault : I don’t know if it was quiet, Care?
Care Messer : Well, depending on where it was I bet it was an intimate experience, she didn’t have cameras, light, people in masks coming to vagina, really hard to orgasm with the stuff like that. And the easiest way to get the baby out is how you get the baby in, the chemicals, the same hormones and when the mom feels safe and protected and unabsorbed her body works magically. But she has to do it with the fears because in our society we are not raced in a village where someone is having a baby and everyone comes and then you watch them breastfeed after and then it’s a normal process. We are raised with “holy crap this is happening, this is scary you gotta get to the hospital, someone’s gotta rescue” and so, my mom’s, the birth story of my birth was horrible. My mom said “it was the worst experience in my life, I turned inside out, I will never do natural birth and it was horrible” I grew up with that so of course when it was my turn I was freaked out, I can’t do that.
Sunny Gault : And we are gonna share your story later on.
Care Messer : Yeah.
Sunny Gault : Special bonus content.
Care Messer : One of the things that I also wanted to try is you know, having had a hospital birth, I had a fabulous experience and I loved the way I birthed but they treat like you are sick like something wrong with you. They actually wouldn’t let us go on a walk, I was having a little bit of trouble getting my labor progress and I wanted to go on a walk and they wouldn’t let me leave the building. I can walk its fine we actually snack out and got locked out at 3’o clock in the morning which was, we got lucky and there was somebody who was leaving. But yeah, and then you know, leaving the hospital made me go in a wheel chair and I was like “No, no I can walk.”
Sunny Gault : We were just talking about that, that’s a requirement I think because they care at the hospitals.
Care Messer : What if you fainted?
Sunny Gault : Yeah, yeah. Alright, alright.
Care Messer : Then you will just take me back to room, help me up what’s the big deal. Alright, for hundreds and thousands of years our ancestors have done this and it’s in our genetic blueprint our great, great, great grandmothers did this so can we, it’s in our body, it’s in our bud, it’s in your blood.
Sunny Gault : It’s in your bud?
Care Messer : Yeah, it’s in your bud too, that’s what it feels like when it is coming out.
Sunny Gault : What is needed to be successful at Hypnobirthing?
Care Messer : Definitely I love the classes, you can read the book but I think that adding the classes and a supportive partner whether it be a Doula, I have single moms that take my class all the time. I have girl-girl partners; I have surrogate dad with the mom that coming in to have their baby. As supportive partner, a Doula, I always recommend a Doula because I am Doula, I would never have a birth without a Doula they make a huge difference in keeping everybody calm because birth is normal we haven’t seen an abnormal birth.
Elisa Suter : I keep telling my husband that because I am wedding planner I keep saying that the Doula is kind of like the wedding planner totally in birth.
Care Messer : Yeah, it’s the guide, they have done it a million times, they know the hick ups, they know what could happen, they know how to keep everyone mellow. When moms, I search out of her, she spins, she throws up dad goes and she is like “Oh! She is doing awesome” I was like “Okay, everything is fine.” It also gives dad a respect, dad has been 24 hours with her too or whatever “do you wanna go sleep? Can I make you a sandwich?” And then he can keep intimate with her well, I take care of him, it’s I just, I highly recommend Doulas in any birthing method as much as the partners are involved they need the Doula as well.
Elisa Suter : I agree, I had a fabulous Doula and one of the thing you know, as things were ramping up and getting more intense for me we haven’t called her yet because we are trying to keep a little quiet just between the two of us for a little bit. And then, my husband’s name is Josh and he kept you know, once surge and I would be like where is my fee? And then next surge I would be like “Don’t touch me” because I know I couldn’t really figure out what changed every minute, what I wanted and I was starting to get more and more frustrated and using more and more stronger language. Then when the Doula showed up, she knew exactly what to do, she came in and within 10 seconds you know, the lights were dimmer she had a certain thing you know, on the iPod, she told Josh exactly what to do. And she more over started saying exactly what I needed to hear, she started telling me all the you know, sort of visualization techniques that I have been practicing for months, it just changed the entire atmosphere in the room. And all of a sudden I was like “Okay, okay I can do this” it sort of helped me to recenter myself. And so, yeah leading up to it everybody really should get a Doula and I went back and forth and I am really glad that I did.
Sunny Gault : Good information.
Care Messer : Birthing is definitely a two party experience. Yeah, it’s just all happening to moms, this is his baby too or her baby too.
Sunny Gault : Yeah.
Care Messer : And they know how to calm you, they how to bring me back to and you remember I said that stupid crack joke and I was like Oh! “Why did you bring that up?” But it gets mom different way, in a different place so, that’s super.
Sunny Gault : Alright, alright when we come back we are gonna learn about what you expect? Should you decide to take a Hypnobirthing class? We will be right back.
Sunny Gault : Alright, welcome back today we are continuing our series on childbirth preparation methods, we are talking about Hypnobirthing today with Care Messer, she is a Birth Doula and Childbirth Educator who teaches Hypnobirthing care. Let’s talk about classes, at what point parents always wants to know this, when should they sign up for this classes?
Care Messer : I tend to like my parents to sign up a lot earlier than most for the reason that they learn so much in class, a lot of times they want to switch care providers. And if they take it right at the end that’s really tricky, you can always switch because it is America.
Sunny Gault : Alright.
Care Messer : But it’s tricky and so much they feel they can hold were they can and so if they say “Oh! I am birthing at home with so and so or I am birthing at the birth center with this” And I know that is a very supportive environment for them well typically take it a little bit later. And then they are like some moms like “I need to know everything and I can practice it for 100 months” so I am like “Alright.” With our classes we let them take it whenever they want and if they ever “I need class 4 again” and I will let them come back for free because it’s all about having a god birth and we are available 24/7 anyway by email or anything else like that. We kind of become there crazy and when they become the Hypnobirthing family and we just want them to be supportive as possible, if they have questions we are there for them.
Sunny Gault : How big should they be at the classes like at what point would you say like “Oh! That class is probably too big?"
Care Messer : We like to keep them pretty intimate, my biggest class will be 9 couples, yeah 9 couples and that’s really hard for me to remember everybody’s names. So, you know, we don’t, we don’t teach in big lots you know, we try and pack in many people as possible because it’s a very intimate experience. And we want our parents to get to know each other not only themselves better but everybody in the room better and be able to interact in a more intimate level which I think we differ from the hospital classes because they are packed in and they don’t have that chance to practice and touch and talk in there. And it’s a question there that no one gets to relate each other.
Sunny Gault : Alright.
Care Messer : And it’s such an intimate experience so, you need to share that with others, it’s kind of a tribe thing, a village and you feel more supported when you have other women to say “Are you freaked out?” and the dads too “Dude, do we really wanna do this? I stand myself by the curtain, I am not gonna do this.” You know, they need to you know, they need to have that comrade you know, when moms come in and say “I think we should do private” and I am like “A man as a partner, yeah you need a group” because the man feels so much more supportive and dads come in the first week and they are freaked out. And they feel “this is stupid, I am not gonna wave a little in front of her face and advertise her” You know, dads biggest fears are not gonna be enough for her and by the end of 5 weeks they are so confident they could birth that baby themselves.
Sunny Gault : Do you think that’s why lot of them are kind of standoff when it comes to birth is this just unknown and don’t know what to do and they feel helpless?
Care Messer : Totally and that’s uncomfortable for anybody we feel the same way but as a man you wanna protect, you wanna take care, you wanna fix. And when you come into I mean, dads say “when do I give the ad will? Fine, dude you take the ad will because I am not gonna touch what’s going with her body, it’s a natural process you can’t fix it.”
Sunny Gault : Yeah.
Care Messer : When you see her moaning and moving and making these really weird primal mooing sounds you do it with her and you rotate her hips, you don’t, you can’t get in the way of it. You have to facilitate and support because you can fix it and once they realize that and we do a class rehearsal at least in the girls that I work with because we are all Doulas we do a natural hands on birth rehearsal. So, dads have a total play by play, they know how to touch not to touch, “Oh! I like this, I don’t like this” we coach through some divisions, through some we do music. And then all the comfort measures so dads really have a good tool thing to grab from ad moms say “I don’t like this don’t touch this way. Ooh! But I do like this.” And really dads know how to touch women, they got them pregnant.
Sunny Gault : Yeah, it worked at least one other time.
Care Messer : Even if it is artificial insemination you bend together at some point you know, that’s how you touch them because that brings up the endorphins and that’s what combats the pain. Endorphins are 200 times powerful than morphine.
Sunny Gault : Yeah, right.
Care Messer : Morphine, awesome.
Samantha Bey : I have to say Care is really good at bringing all the stuff in class, awkward situations might happen and I have started moving around the house. So, this is least of what you are gonna see in here when I am giving birth it’s kind of start moving now and so, he is used to me moving and being with the door opened and then beautiful. Lots of things break them easily so, we talk about lot of awkward things in class and makes it much more comfortable and approachable.
Sunny Gault : So, what does an average class look like?
Care Messer : An average class, it depends on the teacher I always want my parents to call several teachers and see who they can act with and bond with in town, it’s usually the one you stuck with her but or him, mostly him too. Typical class you come in we have music playing, we start talking about you know, what happened this week and we have questions that came up and ideas. We go over birth preferences a little every week so that moms can get those written down; we don’t have a birth plan because plans are always broken. We have what we like to see and what we have in case that doesn’t happen and in one page super simple, I don’t believe in 20 page birth plans because that’s ridiculous. Moms are adults, they can walk and move and eat and drink whatever they want, birth preferences should be about the baby and how they want their baby treated afterwards can’t speak for themselves. We do some relaxation every week where moms can really go in deep feel letting go and what that feels like, do all moms use that deep relaxation during births? No, some do it depends on the level of practice, class 2 we typically do a deepening were the dads learn how to put mom into a deep state of relaxation by doing a shoulder prompt and a wrist test of shivered clenches or hands you know, you can lightly grab her wrist or if she is tensed lightly tap her to release that tension. And those are the things that they might not do the script during labor but they know where to touch mom to release that tension because we tend hold in our shoulders, our hands, our necks. And when a nurse or midwives comes in that’s the first thing they do is they touch your shoulders and say “how are you doing?” Well, that prompts already that when they touch I am gonna release and relax, does that mean you are gonna be pain free? No, but it means you are gonna go with the flow and go “Oh! Yeah, I am fine.”
Sunny Gault : It does really helps too, when someone comes in and touches your shoulders and just says “you are okay.”
Care Messer : “Yeah, you can do this.” What I use in my classes is you can do anything for one minute and I use that during my birth and bend with moms who are set in their head. I never hear they looked very calm even if they get tensed but inside they are going like “I could do anything for one minute” you know, but outside they are like you know, Samantha was saying the internal experience might be wholly blah, blah, blah, blee, blee, blee. This is overwhelming but the outside is “I have to keep lose, I have to keep focused my body knows what to do, I have to let this go.”
Sunny Gault : Okay, then internally you are going crazy.
Care Messer : Totally, totally.
Sunny Gault : That’s okay because outside it’s peaceful.
Care Messer : Well, it’s instinctual what your body is telling you to do, what’s your mind telling you to do. You have to believe in the process and you can do this and your body knows what to do, your baby knows what to do. If they are taking a long time they got to get into a different position may be they are working through some issues you know, and they are also working you through some issues. So, the whole process is a very sacred place of surrender that we don’t usually go to and then that’s what the scariest part.
Luna Pecararo : For me like it is the very good things about the Hypnobirthing is especially we care like when I was giving birth exactly new what I was going through and so I was not scared. And the main thing like I remember she said like when the baby is ready like your body takes over you really don’t understand till you are in it. This is like you know, you don’t need it even when you need to push your baby out like your baby will come out like your body take over and push itself.
Sunny Gault : This is what contractions are for to push the baby on anyways?
Care Messer : Kind of but anyways it is a natural thing, it is a natural explosive reflex they kicks when baby gets right at the top of the birth path or the birth canal.
Sunny Gault : And that’s when we are like “I have to push, I have to push.”
Care Messer : Yeah, you can’t stop it and it just goes and if you can stay focused and lose instead of clenching you wipe your baby when you clench and push. And if you can stay focused and let your body do it your birth path stays open and baby can go down a lot faster and stretch everything else, your pushing stage is way less. And if you are squatting on force or upright so much faster because of gravity and if you squad you even shrink down your birth path two pinches. So, I mean right, in accordance just like a penis because we, when we are created it’s an inside out penis is what we have is our vagina so it’s exactly the same. It’s wretched just like a penis and it’s the same exact expansive tissue or erectile tissue as a penis that’s why it can open.
Sunny Gault : Wow!
Care Messer : Once it’s triggered and the blood flow comes in, Boom! It opens and so for in that state of mind that’s when I encourage my mom’s to touch their baby’s heads because if they go down and they touch their head, the back part the wrist it’s their clearest. Naturally, it’s like stimulating themselves but it engorges that tissue with blood and opens it up, it’s amazing and it makes the mind and body connection to get that baby out.
Sunny Gault : Yeah.
Care Messer : So, it’s a very instinctual process because women like me they touch and they go “Oh! It’s my baby’s head” and either they cry and say “I don’t wanna do this.” And then I have to work through that which is good because that really opens everything up but it makes that mind and body connection so, they know how to birth their baby. If I have to move, if I have to run and get suppose, if I have to squad what feels right to you? And if you can do that by saying yes to your instinct instead of “No, I never want to do this” you can say “No, I am following my lead” you will birth better every time.
Samantha Bey : I have to say what I am getting most of the classes is I am getting really overwhelmed by, every time I do little bit of research there is always like this contradictory information. And I kind of stumbled across Care’s class on help actually and found that I really resonated with me and I certainly don’t know whole lot like I am not doing a ton of research. But we learn a lot in Care’s class but mostly, mostly I feel like I am reminded of what I already know rather than like learning, learning tons somehow. It certainly teaches things but it’s like, yeah like in my gut and so, I end up leaving like really confident look excited and super pumped about the whole process rather than like reading you know, a book where I just feel kind of overwhelmed by the facts. And I am like or how well I am gonna do this, it’s really exciting like we both just get really excited at the class so,
Care Messer : Well, I am hoping that it’s reminding you of your, your inner blueprint because,
Samantha Bey : I am counting on that I am not gonna read, I don’t know how to do this.
Care Messer : You don’t, you don’t know how to do it and that’s what the biggest fear is, what if I am not doing it right? We don’t get caught up in the stages of labor and Hypnobirthing, we don’t, okay stage 1 because your body opens the baby comes out and if you can just focus on letting it happen and not letting it so caught up in all of the logistics this, this and that. It’s simple their baby is gonna come out they always do and if they come out at 41 weeks or 42 weeks or 43 weeks they will come out if they stay pregnant forever you are gonna be the richest women alive.
Samantha Bey : And since kind of realizing that I really think I realize that now I am much happier, I am much more relaxed like I don’t I am not reading a ton of books which makes me sound you know, like a terrible mother already.
Wallis Levin : I stopped reading because I am only 16 weeks I stopped reading books really, really on because so many of the books were about all of the bad things that could go wrong. I am not that, not that I don’t want to be educated about things because I do and I have done lots and lots of research but so much of what you are exposed to as a pregnant mom is, okay well here is all of the medical problems that could happen. And instead I think that it is really important to focus on what we really should be doing and what our bodies naturally will do?
Care Messer : Oh! We have 67,000 thoughts a day, are we gonna make them all negative, are we gonna make them all positive? And I am not saying you have to be all positive fairy tales and not be that way but rehearsing that over and over you train your mind and body to work together. And the two books that I highly, Hypnobirthing obviously but the greatest pregnancy ever and [In Audible (00:31:03)] those two books will give you the positive of what your body is capable of doing and how you can train your mind to do it. And how you have been doing this for thousands of years with your great, great grandmothers and if that’s the channeled energy you are moving when you move that’s what coming through. And those two books really could help to solidify the Hypnobirthing principles as well as keeping more tools to go with the flow of your birth.
Sunny Gault : And speaking of the greatest pregnancy ever we actually have copies of those books so, if you are listening to this episode and you wanna copy we give a couple of ways. So, leave a comment and we will give away a couple of copies, yeah.
Care Messer : Wonderful, wonderful.
Sunny Gault : Well, thank you ladies it’s been a great conversation. Thank you so much for sharing all your personal experiences and Care, it was lovely to have you on the show again.
Care Messer : Thank you.
Sunny Gault : Well we want to hear about your experience giving birth using Hypnobirthing you can post a comment on our website we will chat about your labor and delivery on Facebook page or through twitter. If you are posting in twitter be sure to use the hash tag Preggie Pals and just as a reminder this conversation continues after the show for the members of our Preggie Pals club, visit our website and become member today.
[Featured Segments: Husband Not Excited About Pregnancy]
Marley : Hi, Preggie Pals this is Marley from Acrenal Hill, I am currently pregnant and this is my very first pregnancy and I am really excited. But unfortunately my husband is not seemed to be anywhere near excited sign, he has no interest in going any of my appointments. He doesn’t even care when my belly, when the baby is kicking, he doesn’t wanna feel it and I still don’t know is this normal. I mean, I am so excited and he is not at all and so, I would like to know kind of what’s going on inside his head and if you could help me with this I would really appreciate it. Thanks so much.
Dr. Danny Singley : Hi, Marley, I am Dr. Daniel Singley a licensed Psychologists specializing in men issues and a founder of Basic Training for New Dads Parenting Class. You have raised an excellent question that how men and women tend to express their feeling pretty differently. It’s understandable why you are confused about what seems like your husband’s lack of enthusiasm in having a baby so, what I would encourage to do is realize that there is likely much more to experience in being an expected dad than being a guy. Most dads involve experiencing a wide range of emotions and panics, excitement, curiosity, anxiety and sadness. However what women in this country are typically socialized to be more verbal and vocal about expressing their feelings, men’s simply aren’t typically accustomed to doing so. Your follow is typically about intending arrival and clanging up about it is a very common way to men deal with very constraint questions like how will I provide financially? What would my wife might require? Will I ever have fun again or see my friends? How is my relationship with my wife is gonna change? Will I be able to care for a baby? Also for some dads the bay just sounds real until it’s born or until it starts to do more gross activities like rolling over and crawling and stereo type revolve you know like or really like control a ball, it’s an old home. It’s pervasive but usually after the birth dads get right in there and not able to start feeling connected with their baby. I would also sign up your hubby to receive a weekly email, an online service something like https://www.babycenter.com which gives a brief executive summary of baby and mom’s development as well as the circumstances that are changing encouraging him to spend time with his friends. And you know, bonus points if they happened to be buddies in terms of the happening dads they can talk about what a great experience it is. I hope this info has been helpful to you and best of luck and journey ahead.
Sunny Gault : That wraps up our show for today if you have a question or comment about our show we would love to hear it send us an email through our website or call the Preggie Pals hotline at 619-866-4775. Coming up next week we are learning all about the Nesting and Instincts do all moms have it, we will find out. Thanks for listening to Preggie Pals, your pregnancy your way.
This has been a New Mommy Media production. Information and material contained in this episode are presented for educational purposes only. Statements and opinions expressed in this episode are not necessarily those of New Mommy Media and should not be considered facts. Though information in which areas are related to be accurate, it is not intended to replace or substitute for professional, Medical or advisor care and should not be used for diagnosing or treating any health care problem or disease or prescribing any medications. If you have questions or concerns regarding your physical or mental health or the health of your baby, please seek assistance from a qualified health care provider.
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