Becoming a mom is so transformative. You go from growing a tiny baby to holding them in your arms. It is a beautiful journey, but for so many women, comes with a lot of questions, stress, and added doubt. Today, we will be chatting about becoming a mother while your husband or partner serves in the military.

What does parenting solo look like on long deployments, minimal contact, family not around, and so much more that so many military wives experience. Thanks for joining us. This is Newbies. Welcome to Newbies. My name is Kaile Garcia, and I'll be your host today. If you haven't already, be sure to visit our website at newmommymedia.com and subscribe to our weekly newsletter, which keeps you updated on all the episodes we release each week.

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Our expert mom today is Shelby Bateman, the 2026 Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year. I'm gonna read a little intro about Shelby. So she served at three duty stations over 11 years, including California, North Carolina, and currently South Carolina, where she leads spouse groups and community initiatives.

She has served as a family readiness assistant and command team advisor, supporting communication and morale between military families and leadership. Shelby, I'm excited you're on this podcast. Thanks. Tell us about your family. How many kids do you have, and their ages? Yes. Hi, thank you so much for having me.

My name's Shelby. I actually have two kids, one who just had a birthday at she's six. Oh, wow. And my son's birthday is coming up in, I think it's two or three weeks, actually. I don't even know what month we're in. He'll be four, so we're right, we're coming out of the thick of it. We were in there for a while.

It's so funny 'cause when you talk, I feel like a lot of moms forget how hard it is with littles, especially littles who are close in age, so like two to three years apart. Yes. It's just, like, back to back. And so when kids grow up and they're, like, in school or stuff, moms forget. Like, it's tough- Yeah ... in the early days.

Very funny. It's the trenches. It is the trenches. So true. Anyway, we will chat all about that, but first, let's take a quick break. Welcome back. Today, we're discussing becoming a mother, but specifically military spouse edition. So we did one of these episodes, I think, a few years back, and it did really well.

We have a lot of military wives who've listened. So first, Shelby, I want to have our listeners get a picture of you. What was your journey like becoming a parent? And you said, I mean, you've, your husband's been in for around 11 years, so I'm assuming you- Mm-hmm ... did have kids while he was in the service, right?

So what was that like- Yes ... already being a military wife and then becoming a mom? Yeah, me and my husband, we waited about six years before we had kids. Mm-hmm. We actually... So we went to Pendleton first, which is in California, so we were definitely living up our single, no- ... babies lives. So it was good. Once we decided it, the- our daughter, she came quick.

Mm. It was definitely not... Like, you know when you're trying, but, like, you didn't think it would be that fast? She was, whoo, blessing. So that was great. That, and, but then COVID. So Shayne was born in June of 2020. So COVID was a big one that just made babies harder. There wa- we didn't actually have much support in California.

Obviously, our entire f- all of our families are in New York. Mm-hmm. So that was actually a hard part being in the parent position. But becoming a parent, it was quick. We did not struggle with our first. With our second, we had a little bit of hiccups there, but Becoming a mom and, and doing it as military, it's definitely, it's not for the weak.

And I hate that because we're seeing so much now of like being resilient and spouses and military families are resilient. I, I'm growing to hate that word because it's become a custom that we- we're just supposed to figure it out and deal with it. But becoming a parent itself is hard, and then adding in the military, it's, it's, it's gonna have its setbacks.

So it was not easy-peasy, but we did lemon-squeezy it out. Now, did your husband did he go... I believe he has, right? Has he been on deployments and were you parenting? Yeah. Like, did you have kids during? So what was that like? So- Yeah ... obviously your husband's gone. Every deployment's different obviously.

Some- Mm-hmm ... I mean, Navy wives, geez, they're gone for like eight to nine months sometimes- Right ... right? Like it's a long time. Yeah, a boat. What deployments did your husband go through, and how was it parenting littles during that time? It was definitely, I think everything's just a season and an adjustment.

So when my husband joined first, he was, he would go and do field ops a lot. I think the longest he was gone was three or four months. Mm-hmm. So we were definitely accustomed to hi- well, me, I was accustomed to him not being around. And then I feel like that's where everyone's like, "Oh, just stay busy and have all your hobbies," and that part was great.

Having kids, though- Yes. ... and at that point when my husband actually deployed, like a real, quote, quote, "deployment," he went on a MEU. Wow. We were on a boat. It was supposed to be six months, then it, it ended up being nine months and it was- Oh my gosh ... horrible. There, it, it, and we had two kids. So it was definitely being, it felt like I was striding to be the Pinterest mom- Mm-hmm

in a sense of trying to overemphasize my husband. Like, trying to make sure that the kids, like, I think Nolan was, Nick left and Nolan was about one. Like, he left a little after he was, he left a little before he turned one. So I didn't wanna be that, like, "Don't forget your dad." Like- Yeah ... you know what I mean?

So we had the big old board and the map, and we were putting pins and when he would c- be where he was we'd put a photo up, and it was exhausting because it was like that emotional safe space for the kids of like, "We're allowed to be sad. We're allowed to miss daddy." Mm-hmm. "But this is where he is, and he's doing these cool things."

And then again, being on the MEU, there's like what is it? River City, some- oh my God. It's just when it's quiet. When it's quiet, when you can't hear from them, th- that's gotta be the worst. And it's so funny you brought up like Navy spouses because I wish I talked to a few before that. Right? Yes. I wish we had that opportunity to be like, "Hey, you know, what do you do for a MEU?"

Because that was wild. You don't have contact all the time. It's not an easy little field op, which those aren't easy, but it was definitely, for our first ever real deployment, hard. And I will say we were blessed. I was very, very blessed to... I am an over-talker, and I love making a friend, so we had a support system on every avenue, so it was just really being busy.

I laugh because I, I tell people I took that too far. I was busy. My calendar was colorful. And now we just stick there. We just stay in a colorful calendar. But just staying busy and, and finding your new norm, because it is your new norm for however long that is. But then when they come back, there's that reintegration, and then that's a new norm.

So deployments just themselves are horrible. But then even after that it's like, okay, now Daddy's back, and this is so exciting, but we also have to teach Daddy the cool new things that you know and the cool new things you learned because he wasn't here Absolutely. So it's just- Yes. The reintegration part is, for me, is like an adjustment 'cause you're, like, building down to them coming back, and then it's like, "Oh, wait, he has no idea our rhythm- Yeah

and what we do and what our ki- or, you know, the kid can do or can't do, you know? Mm-hmm. And so I guess building into my next question, did anyone prepare you for not only being a military wife, but a military mom? And I'll go first, no. That, like, hard no. Mm-hmm. Right. I don't have a lot of friends, like, from high school and college that, you know, were military wives, honestly.

Mm-hmm. And so their husbands come home every night, and there's no talk of, you know, changing locations, like, moving every three to four years. And so you obviously build, you know, friends within the military. But yeah, no, and I, like I mentioned earlier in the episode, I only spoke to, like, older military, you know, moms- Mm-hmm

who were like, "Oh yeah, kids are in school, husband leaves." Like, it's fine, and I, again, I think they forget. And so, no, I did not, I was not prepared for this life- Right ... and moving and, you know, kind of always being, not necessarily on edge, but not, like, there's no certainty. Like, we have a 10-year plan- Stability

but a, yes- Yeah ... but a two-year plan out the window. I don't know what's- Mm-hmm ... happening, you know? And so- Yep. No. I did ... flipping it back to you, did you, were you prepared, I guess, at all? Did anyone kind of warn you, like, "It's tough, especially with littles"? No. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. We, we have a coup- like, our grandparents, my grandpa, he served in Vietnam.

My, I know my husband's family somewhere, I think it's his cousin or something, they served, but we never really had those genuine communication and connections about, like, their time in, so f- we feel that we're a very first generation military family that's, like, continued it, right? Mm-hmm. 'Cause my grandfather, he was in for one enlistment, so we're, we're past that.

We're careerists at this point. So it was definitely not prepared. I will say, I it's so funny. I... Have you ever watched Army Wives? No. I, it's on my list, but no. Girl, that's what prepared me. That was the one. It was the first time Nick left. We, I was by myself. I had my cat. We were in California. It was me, my cat, and we watched Army Wives.

And it was the most, like, I'm a very empathetic person, so I'm blubbering with oh my gosh, who was it? All, just I can't remember her name. I'm just blubbering with the characters, and I'm like, "Oh, I'm so sad. My husband's here. He's down the road, actually. He's, he's in the field in Horno or something.

Like, he's here, but not where yours is, but I feel you, girl. I'm alone. I'm alone." So no, no prepared. And then the mom part, no way, Jose. No, ma'am. I feel like you can ha- just like you said, you have your friends and your family that, they're moms, and they're gonna give you that advice, but then there's this extra layer, right?

So- You're, you're a mom, but then you're a military mom. And it's not a big difference, but there's those little things like dinner. Like I can't- Yes ... plan for dinner every night with my family at the table. When we get those nights right now, like that's a blessing. So it's like you're taking that and you're seeing these little glimmers of normalcy that you're surrounded with w- if you reach out to your family or friends back that aren't in the military, but then they're not seeing those glimmers of your normalcy because they're always giving you the, "I don't know how you do it."

So no, across the board, both ways, no, no. I agree. And it kind of goes with what you were saying too. I have, I have that a lot where my friends and family are like, "Geez, you have the kids all day, every day, no break," right? Full disclaimer, both of our husbands, I know Shelby, she lives very close to me. But our husbands are now drill instructors, and so they work crazy amount of hours training the new Marines, basically.

And so for a long cycle, which is like 13 weeks, they're gone. My husband has a day off today, which is lovely. But he hasn't- Oh, good ... had a day off in eight weeks, listeners. It's been a long time of me just solo parenting very young kids. And so when, like you mentioned earlier, we're kind of forced to just make it work.

We're forced to- Mm-hmm ... wake up and do the breakfast and plan a Pinteresty day, right? So we're not just, like, inside all day, and then coming up with dinner seven days a week for 13 weeks. It's, it's exhausting, honestly. And so speaking with other military moms, especially in this community, what are some other complaints that you've heard or even you've experienced parenting solo, and maybe some ways to navigate and make our listeners feel heard, I guess?

Yeah. I, I feel like community across the board. Community- Mm-hmm ... has been a big one. When we were in Pendleton like I said, I didn't have kids, but I actually worked at the CDC, so I was around the babies, I was around the parents. And seeing those dual military families, like with one mom going, and now the dad's like the primary caregive- caregiver, like that, that's just, it's like heart-wrenching 'cause you can see that now they need to lean on something and they don't have that either.

And then as a mom or the spouse who's here, you, if you do not come out with your village, you're, you feel so, like the biggest... It can be the smallest thing, but that's the end of the world. That's your iceberg. So the community across the board is one of the biggest complaints, because you can go through the suck together and it not be that bad.

I remember one time, oh my goodness, what was it? We were, I don't even remember exactly what it was, but we had people at the house, and everyone had their kids, and this one girl, it was her first time at our home, and it was chaos. And I said I'm just gonna let you know, this is a deployment space."

"So let them run. Everything that could be unsafe is not in reach. Let it go." And then you c- she was so stressed. I was like, "I promise it's okay. Let them be free, and have a glass of wa- Take a rest." "'Cause y- y- I know you're not getting it, but you need it. You need to just breathe and get through the chaos together.

When the kids act up, we will turn up the worship music, and now we're dancing. And you can tell the people that they don't live in the chaos yet, but you just join the chaos- ... 'cause it's the only way you're gonna get through." That is it. Absolutely. Yeah, I love that. And I think- Finding your tribe or even just moms who just know what you're going through, it helps so, so much.

So what are some, I guess, resources that you have, right, or you've worked through or you've offered that military wives can reach out to, whether it's them on base, whether it's through their organization, through their whatever branch they're part of? What are some resources you can- Mm-hmm ... kind of shout out?

So I definitely wanna shout out WIC, and I'm saying this one first- Mm-hmm ... because I just chatted with a friend, and they didn't know that they could even qualify for WIC. Hmm. As a military family, you would assume that you wouldn't, but a good chunk of us do. Mm-hmm. So always WIC, because that's just gonna take that food spot right out of your brain.

Mm-hmm. That's gonna give you the goods. Depending on the ins- the, the branch or the installation, so Marine Corps, you're looking for MCCS, Navy Marine Corps Relief Society. Those are gonna have new parent support groups, baby boot camp. Those are gonna be your bread and butter of getting trained information on, from a professional, on what you could expect.

There's Budget for Baby. Like, you might not think you, you might think you know what's happening, but you'd actually didn't think of that random thing that you had no idea 'cause you've never had a baby before. Mm-hmm. So those installation resources, they are really good. And some of them, like I know with the Marine Corps and Navy Marine Corps Relief Society, they offer, I wanna say it's Amazon gift cards.

Like, if you attend, you get things on top- Hmm ... of getting more things. So you just get resources and you get information. Another good one if you're moving to a new installation and you have, like, a toddler or maybe you homeschool like we do, the installation library That will forever be your best friend- Mm

until your kids either go to school or they don't, they go by themselves. Because they're gonna have that resource of the space. You get the access to the books, obviously. You don't need a, a military, I mean, you don't need a, what is it called? A library card. It's just your military ID. Mm-hmm. But that's also kind of like a hub, right?

So, you're gonna see moms who also need that in, that resource in that time. You're gonna see the locations and other events that the installation could be offering for you. But then you're gonna be able to find like, just like you said, people who are in the same boat, right? Mm-hmm. You're gonna find other military families who you know that they're just out doing the same thing.

And to me, that's like a life group, right? So, like, you're doing life with people. "Oh, my gosh, it was so nice meeting you. Will I see you at the next one?" Mm-hmm. And then now you've just made a bestie for the restie. I love that, especially since we all move every three to four years, sometimes two years, right?

Something's changed and you, you're leaving in two years. I was gonna shout that out, too, and that kind of follows up with my next question is, what are some tips to get through the solo parenting, long deployments, long work hours? Yes, library has been my friend, and throughout the bases, I've always seen story time for littles.

I've never not seen that. If there's a library on a base, you know, I've always seen that. Mm-hmm. And that is so, so helpful because, yes, you get to be around other moms and other chaos. And, and then it's kind of fun- Mm ... to, I guess fun might be the wrong word, but it's nice to see kids being kids, right? So, like, you're having a bad- Right

day, and, like, you still go to the library and by a miracle, right, your kids are fine. And then you see- Yeah ... other mom who might be going through it, and you're like, "Oh, we just did that trying to get in the car." You know? Like, "It's all good." Right. "It's, I'm not the only one." And so that can be so, so helpful. What are some tips to get through solo parenting long deployments? Yeah, difficult, hard. We need some positives, some tips. Right. Definitely. So I, I'm definitely probably the unicorn, right?

So my tip is always gonna be get involved or get connected. Mm-hmm. Get into something around people who are going through the same thing as you. Our last duty station during the, the MEU, we had an amazing battalion, and it was so family-oriented that we had so many gatherings. We had a coffee connection once a month.

We had the book club, the Bible study, like just all the things that, where you found something that was like-minded that you liked, that you went to, and they obviously knew your kids were gonna be there because everyone's spouse was not there. Hmm. So there was no means to just attempt to live life outside of that new solo parenting norm.

It was doing it with your children. And then that it doesn't always have to be military, right? So join the church group. Do the life- Mm-hmm ... group through your church. Go and do the book club through the library. Like, just finding a way to get out, get involved, get connected, and, and find your people that will help you, and you can help them during the deployment, right?

Because what did, what do we say? To be a village, to have a village, you need to be a villager. I bake cookies when people move here. Mm-hmm. And last time I baked cookies was the day before I left for DC for Military Spouse of the Year.

Hmm. And it was chaos, and my husband was laughing at me. And I was like, "To be a village, you gotta be a villager." And he goes, "But this is chaos." I said, "You gotta give a little so people know that they..." Like, I for- I can't think of the word right now, but it's just doing that. Yeah. Showing up for people and being, whatever that word is.

But to be, have a village, you need to be a villager. So showing up for others, and they'll help show up for you because you're all living in life doing things together. Don't be a hermit. Don't stay home. You can if that's your love language and you need the space.

By all means, do what- Mm-hmm ... makes you happy. But if you're finding yourself being sad because you're stuck home all day with the kids and now it's raining for the third day in a row- ... go outside. Go play in the rain. Live the childhood with them because this is so abnormal. Just like you said in the beginning, we, we don't have a good chunk of people that know what we go through every day.

So just be the cool mom that's gonna go dance in the rain with your kids. Absolutely. Go out and do the fun things. And I think, I mean, we're both Marine wives, right? And so even in the Marines, it's the smallest branch, and so it's so tiny- Yeah ... compared to the general population. And so you're right. Not a lot of people can understand what we go through and what we kind of just have to push through.

And I agree. I am a hermit crab by nature, and then you have kids, right? Mm-hmm. And they kind of push you outside. Yes. 'Cause I can just rot in my bed all day, but my children cannot for some weird reason. They want to go do it. Yeah. They want to go outside and look at bugs. And so- ... yes, definitely be a villager.

Say hi to your neighbors. Talk to your neighbors. We're all in this together. And then yes, go do community things, whether that's on base or off base. I do have to say, I've only been to three military locations. We were in Hawaii with kids, South Carolina- Mm-hmm ... and then I did pop around a little bit in North Carolina when my husband was there.

And everyone, even out in town, really nice, you know? And so- Yeah ... whether it's, 'cause for some military families, they don't live on base, right? Yeah. And so just getting involved in your town, city, anything like that, I think that is so, helpful. Yay. Okay. Well, I'm excited to talk about you, but we'll talk about you after we take a quick break.

Welcome back to Newbies. We are continuing our topic. So tell us about the Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year program, and you won. That's so exciting. Tell us more. Yes. It, it's, it's been a wild ride. Yeah, so Armed Forces Insurance, they have a program and it's a Military Spouse of the Year program.

I'm learning that not that many people know about it- Mm-hmm ... which is great, 'cause like I said earlier, I'm a chatter and I'ma tell everybody. Mm-hmm. It's just an amazing resource. I like to call it a resource actually, because once the... So what you do is people can nominate. You do not need to be military affiliated to nominate a spouse.

Mm-hmm. You can be a civilian. You can be a spouse. I've known people that their husbands nominated them. It's just you're nominating who you feel is the Military Spouse of the Year, and they have all this entire breakdown of how they go through the voting. There's an open vote. It's like four rounds of voting, and then you get to the branch winners.

So I did win branch for Marine Corps, which then put me up against the other branches, and out of the seven, I, I did indeed win, which I still, it's crazy pants and I don't even know- ... how I'm here. I giggle because people have been asking me and I'm trying so hard to be less humble in it 'cause I'm like, "I don't know.

It was the glory of God." Because the women that were next to me, they are amazing. I don't know how I'm here. I'm just, we're just smiling and waving, boys. That's it. That's all we're doing. But the program itself, it really does have great values because they want, when you're, when you're nominated, you have to answer questions, and those questions are basically what the judges and the, the, the vote- the voters look at.

So when they do those, you're looking at leadership, involvement, community building, communication, and a compelling story. So those are like the five criteria that you're getting, quote, "judged on." But then it goes through all of these levels and, and it is amazing 'cause once that comes out, once you're able to vote, I was blown away by, one, the amount of resources I didn't know about, but two, the amount of people that are actually out there like doing the thing.

Mm-hmm. The amount of spouses that are stepping up, stepping in, and stepping out, like, and trying to advocate, be there for their communities. It's amazing. And just reading all the bios just totally gives you a new persona of like, I learned so much from other branches. Mm-hmm. Once it comes down to the top three of each branch, that alone I'll-- You make a video somewhere. I think it was the top three. Yeah, the video. Oh my gosh. The videos. Like, you just learn so much. So if you are ever... We have friends right now that are actually, they're, they're Marine- they're Marines.

It's a Marine family, but they're in Tampa. Hmm. So they're not, they're- they have a little tiny community of Marine Corps, but they also are around all these other branches. Mm-hmm. Read the bios. If you're in a space, you have no idea what those resources are 'cause you don't know what you don't know. Mm-hmm.

So one, I think the program's amazing, two, it's a great resource if you wanna learn some things, and three, I think everyone needs to look at it and, and nominate a spouse today. Well, we'll include that- Nominate a spouse and have it ... yay. I'll include the link in the show notes. And so I guess for you though, what does your year look like with this title?

'Cause I, until you started posting about it, I had never heard of it. I don't know what it means. It's cool you won. So what does your year look like? I know- Yeah ... you have done a press tour. That's exciting. Mm-hmm. But what are you anticipating for 2026? So for me, I definitely am one to say yes and we're working on that, but also this is just an opportunity that I know will never come to me ever, ever again.

Hmm. So I am one that's going to understand that this title, right? I hate that word, but it is, it's a title, has given me an opportunity to step into some spaces. So for me will be, I'll be going to the Military Influencer Conference. That's gonna be in Tampa, Florida in September. With Armed Forces Insurance, they actually will be flying the branch winners to Fort Worth, Texas in December for one of the football bowl games.

Just to be there and support as the spouse side, like that's cool. Armed Forces just flew us to Kansas City Fort Leavenworth, to tour their headquarters there. So it's definitely like getting us out, getting us involved, but everything is voluntary. So you can say no to do anything, but also I'm a yesser.

Mm-hmm. So I'm going out and doing extra things because they're-- Like I said, I have learned so much this year, and I'm a connected person. Like, I didn't know of half of these new programs that I'm learning about just because people are reaching out to me because I have this title. So it's definitely been a plethora of information thrown at my ADHD self.

that I'm trying to just sort a way and like, "Okay, I have this one friend and that she would really, really benefit from this," so I'm sending that email at like 2:00 AM because I totally forgot because of the kids. But I remembered, so just trying to check the boxes in a sense to make sure I'm not making the title go to waste because it is something, it's basically just an advocacy thing.

Like, I am a very big advocate, and I feel that if there's anything military spousey related, and specifically Marine Corps related, I will do my best to either get you the answer, and if I don't know it, I'm gonna say, "Give me 10, I'll find it for you." So it's just, it's, it's whatever you make of it, and I'm just making it a plethora.

Yeah. But I also like that you're sharing all these resources too that so many, especially new military moms, right? Or new wives. Yeah. Like, they really have no idea. Your husband or boyfriend, whatever it is, joins, you know? You move in with them and then you're like, "Okay, what, what is there to do? What resources do we have?"

What now? What now? Anyway shout out your socials 'cause I know you have a few. And we'll also include that in our show notes and online on our website. But anyway, where can our listeners connect with you? And obviously you do share a lot of Marine-esque information, but really we're all military wives, right?

We're all in this together. Right. And so you probably have a plethora of different branches as well, right? Of just information- Yes ... that they kind of overlap. Like, yes, you're a Marine wife, a Marine mom, but like the armed forces in general can help you. Right. Where can our listeners connect with you? I definitely recommend Facebook because I'm a millennial and that's like the one I'm really, really good at.

Yes. I'm, I'm starting to learn that you can do things where it's like you said it later- ... and then you hit the button and then it does it by itself. So I know Facebook and Instagram. I am learning, but Facebook and Instagram's gonna be the best ones. And then I do have a LinkedIn, and my LinkedIn is definitely my blazer outfit space.

So there's just two different, there's the polished one and then there's the Shelby that people know. So those three right now. I will say I am in the works of trying to figure out a website because if one more person asks me what my website is, I'm gonna lose it. So that's just on the docket, but definitely recommend Facebook and Instagram.

Yay. Well, awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me. I love talking to military moms. It just, it's just kinda like a breath of fresh air or like you, it's like a sigh of relief because like we get it, you know? We're in this boat together. Yes, ma'am. It's so nice. Anyway, yay. Thank you. Thank you. .

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