Becoming a mother is huge. Whether you dreamed of this day forever or just kind of fell into place, this episode is all about finding your community in motherhood. Tips on finding your mom tribe, why it's important to connect with other moms of littles, and so much more. This is one of my favorite topics to chat about.

Grab something to drink, get relaxed as much as you can with a little, and listen up. Thanks for joining us. This is Newbies. Welcome to Newbies. My name is Kaile Garcia and I'll be your host today. If you haven't already, be sure to visit our website at newmommymedia.com. There you can find more information about the episodes we release each week, blog posts pertaining to the episodes, and bios for some of our experts.

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Our handle is @ newmommymedia. So this is a fun topic today.

Our expert mom today is Erin Baird. So please tell us where you are located and how many kids you have.

Yes. So hi, Kaile. Thank you so much for having me. I am honored to be here. So I live in Celina, Texas. It's a little town in North Texas that's actually not so little. It's growing and thriving and booming.

But I am a stay-at-home mom and I have two little ones. My son is five and my daughter is two.

How special. I love the age gap. My girls are two and a half years apart, so it's, it's kind of wild, honestly.

Yes.

I

feel like it's a great age gap, for sure.

It is But like when you're... It's so funny too, 'cause I feel like every age gap comes with its huge pluses, but also huge cons, right?

Like, the short age gap is tough for the first, like, five years. Yes. But

then

you get to larger age gaps, and it might be easier in the baby years, but then, I don't know, some kids just don't have the same interests, and they're not as close when they're older. Anyway, so I like that our kids are very close in age.

Yes.

It's like right in the middle. We will dive into today's topic, but first let's take a quick break Welcome back. We are discussing finding your community after becoming a mom. So Erin, tell us what was your journey like becoming a parent? Was it easy? How was your pregnancy? I kinda wanna hear it all.

Yes. So okay so I became a mom when I was 27. I always wanted to be a mom. I worked five years in social work before becoming a mom, so I was in foster care and adoption. Absolutely loved that. Lots of highs and lows, very emotional job, but God had me there for a purpose. But when I became a mom, so I was 27, and I was planning on going back to work and being a working mom.

But as soon as I had my son and held him in my arms, I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and not miss a second with him. So, I just love it. It, it is everything to me. My pregnancies were very good. My first pregnancy with my son, I did have gestational diabetes, so that was quite a challenge. But I learned a lot about my body and just prioritizing eating healthy, and was able to have a very successful pregnancy and grow two healthy babies.

Did not have gestational diabetes with my daughter. Ooh.

So

that was a huge blessing. So yeah, that's a little bit about me and my journey.

That's so special. I can so relate to you in regards to, I worked in, like, local news, so it was long hours, and I literally told... This is embarrassing, but I've said it before.

I've told all my bosses when I was pregnant, like, "Nope, going back to work." My husband is in the Marines, but he was working overnight. Mm-hmm. So we really didn't need childcare either- Mm-hmm ... because he would work at nights, and then he would be at home with the baby three, four days a week, you know?

Mm-hmm. And I would be working in the days. And then, yeah, as soon as I held her, I was like, "There's no way I can go back to work." There's no way. It's so funny how like-

Yes. I'm like, "You can't pay me a million dollars." Yes. And I also feel very, very privileged and very blessed that we were able to allow me to stay home- Absolutely

and my husband was able to support us on one income. I know it's not always easy for everyone, but I just feel very blessed and that I just love being there for every single second for my kids.

Absolutely, yeah. It's funny how different moms are different about that, right? Like, some moms, I've interviewed one mom a few episodes ago who as soon as she was pregnant, she's like, "All right.

When am I gonna tell my bosses I'm not returning?"

Yeah.

So I think it's so funny. Anyway, jumping into the next question, how did you find a mom tribe, right? So especially with your first, right? You're holding him. Mm-hmm. Maybe after the fourth trimester, right? So-

Yeah ...

when you're actually getting out of the house, you know, and feel confident, how, did you have friends with kids already?

Or were you kind of the first?

Yeah, so I would say I was one of the first in my-

Mm ...

in my friend group. So I was very involved in our church at that time. We lived in Allen, and we went to a church called Church 1132. And my husband and I actually co-led a young marrieds group with another couple And so we met some of our best friends, and slowly all of us started having kids and getting pregnant- Aw

and all the baby showers. So that was a very natural progression of all of us just being there and supporting each other through it. So lots of meal trains and I've been very lucky to always have a mom tribe.

Mm-hmm.

And so since we moved to Salina a year and a half ago, I now am, uh, leading a group called the Mom Walk Co Celina, which I feature on my Instagram page a lot, and that has been the biggest blessing to just be able to help moms find community in a low-pressure environment.

So we do, like, mom walks twice a month. We do play dates. We do mom night outs. And that has been so much fun over the last year and a half.

I think that's so cool, especially I was also one of the first in my friend groups to have a child, although my best friend got pregnant like two months after me.

So we welcomed- Mm-hmm ... babies very close together. But I think it's, as tough as it is, right, 'cause I didn't know what motherhood was like until I was in it, right? And so when you are the first, you get to be s- like, the village for everyone else. Like, what did I want? Right. And then I offer that. Not everyone's gonna take it, but I offer that.

Like, you talked about meal trains. Love that idea, and I always-

Yes ...

when I have a mom in my neighborhood or, like, with a close friend that I know is pregnant I'm always like, "Okay, what are some meals that I can cook for you, batch for you, batch cook for you so you can-

Yes ...

have during the postpartum days?"

It's kind of like the best knowledge, honestly, and I love that you have this little community and you're kinda, you know, walking life with them. I

think that's so cool. Yes. It's, it's everything, yes.

And so there's different types of mom groups. You talked about your, I love the church co-op groups, too.

Mm-hmm.

I think that's super special, and it's very family oriented. What other mom groups are you, I guess, have you been a part of or even advertise?

Yeah, so there's so many different amazing ways to find community. So I talked about, uh, church has lots of groups for young moms. Also library story times.

Oh, yes. I love the public library system, and so I've met lots of awesome mom friends through there. And honestly, just in the neighborhood, just going to playgrounds. And also social media- Yeah ... is such a great tool. Lots of Facebook groups Instagram groups, and so there's so many ways to find community.

You just have to put yourself out there.

Absolutely. And what are some tips for getting out there? I know for me, library time, yes. And I love being in places where it's not too crowded, so I don't like, for me personally, I don't like the large, large groups. But when it's small, like a library story time where there's only like five or six other moms and their kids, it's just so helpful to just maybe go one or two weeks, and then you see the same faces and the same kids.

Mm-hmm. And then you kinda like, "Oh, hey, how are you doing?" Yes. You know? And then you kinda get their kids' names or their, you know, the mom's name. I think that's so helpful. Library time, yes. I also love, in my neighborhood actually, there's a small church community Bible study really for moms, and that's how I also meet other moms as well.

And I think-

Yes ...

that's helpful. But what are some tips for moms who are kinda ready to get out, make mom friends, maybe they're the first in their little friend group, you know, and they really-

Yeah ...

like, there's a huge difference from having, like, your regular girlfriends to having, like, mom friends. So what tips do you have?

Yes. So I am so passionate about this question. Good. And I feel like that is the whole reason that I started my Instagram, uh, three months ago is just to help moms with those tips of how to- Mm-hmm ... build community. And so I think my biggest tip would be to get out of your comfort zone. Yeah. So do it scared.

Even if your voice shakes a little bit and you ask somebody for their number or how old their child is or what city they live in, just some way to connect with another mom near you. Just put yourself out there. So, I would just say, yeah, try to go to as many different mom groups as possible at first, and kind of treat it as like a dating thing.

And- Ooh ... do I vibe with this group? Do I click with this group? And some moms, like you said, like a smaller group. Some moms may want a larger group. And you will find your people. You just definitely have to take that first step.

Absolutely. And I think it's also really cool, you mentioned asking how old, you know, a, someone's kid is.

That's like the best question. I feel like that's like the icebreaker question.

Yes.

Especially with littles who's like, if you have a six-month-old or a four-month-old or even like a 11th-month-old, right? They're not even like one yet. Asking them how old their kid is is like such... It's the best. 'Cause then who doesn't want to talk about their kid?

Especially if- Right ... it's the firstborn. You're like, "Oh, yeah. My, my daughter-" Yes ... is six months, and look at her crawling." Like,

it's so- Totally ... kind of the

best. Just

all those little milestones that we get as moms. And just to find something you have in common. And yeah, talking about the ages or do you stay home?

Do you work? Just-

Mm-hmm ...

all those questions just to see what you have in common with another mom.

Oh, that's so good. That's fun. Okay, so let's chat about the importance of not feeling alone in motherhood, which I think is why it's so important to have a mom tribe. Were you ever feeling, I guess, did you have any postpartum depression during your first or second where you really felt alone?

'Cause I know, 'cause I was, like I mentioned earlier, one of the first, and I'm an older sibling and so is my husband, so we didn't even have like siblings with kids. We were like- Mm-hmm ... we still to this day don't have nieces or nephews. But it's coming, hopefully one day. But-

Yes ...

so we were really the first in our family to welcome my daughter.

And so, and we also military, so we weren't in the area. We were, uh, in Hawaii, which was fun. We had a great community there. But I definitely felt alone. When I felt- Mm-hmm ... ready to go out but not ready enough. You know how sometimes in the postpartum period you feel like you're okay having people over, but you're not ready to like get the kid in the car seat and strap them in and go to the...

But you know, like there's that- Yes ... in between period where you're like, "I'm okay having people over and visiting. Like, nap schedule's doing better." Anyway- Yes ... talking about me a lot. But for you, did you ever feel alone at all in the early days of motherhood?

So I think we all... Yeah, I definitely did at some points.

I think I struggled with postpartum anxiety more.

Mm-hmm.

Just because going out and like leaving the home for the first time by yourself. Yes. I think my son was like three months before I got out by myself- ... which is so crazy because then with my daughter, who's my second child, I was out like, you know, one week postpartum.

I'm like, "Get me out- Absolutely ... of this house." Yes. But I think for me, I- Actually really, uh, thrive asking for help- Mm. Good ... and being open and just reaching out to my community. And so we also have lots of family nearby. We're very blessed that our, both of our parents are here, very involved in our kids' lives, and we have lots of aunts and uncles and extended family.

My sisters also live in the North Texas area, so they're always just a phone call away. So I think I did not struggle with mental health because I knew to reach out.

I think, yes, that's absolutely so important. And I think even if you don't have family nearby, even having, like, a close friend, hence the mom groups, right?

Yes.

That

is

going through the same thing.

Yes. '

Cause even with my second, who just turned one, so I'm still, and she's going through a little sleep regression, I have a neighbor whose kids are three months behind. She has twins, but th- her twins are three months behind my daughter, and, like, we are literally living the same life.

We have a toddler,

and

then we have- Yes ... the babies. And it's so nice. Even though she's not family, she's my mom family, you know?

1,000%.

Where we can totally just call each other up text each other mostly is what we do, or we have meetups, and it's like, "How did you sleep last night?" Yes. "

Can I

bring you over anything?"

Yes. It's

always so nice. Just

opening up to the people that are already in your life and-

Yes ...

pouring into them, and they pour back into you-

Oh ...

I think is so important. So yeah, even if you don't have family close by, just having the chosen family, and really showing up for them, too, 'cause I'm also big on if you want a village in motherhood, you also have to be a villager 'cause we can't just expect everyone to drop everything and help you if you've never reached out to a friend or you've never done a meal train for somebody else.

So I think it's huge, that kind of reciprocity, that it's not always gonna be perfect, but For most friendships to thrive, it needs to be reciprocal.

Absolutely. And I guess, what are some of your favorite things that come from having a strong mom community? And I'll go first. I always, I love baking, I love cooking for people, honestly.

Mm-hmm. And so I, that's like my therapy. Like, I'll make a quiche or, like, breakfast burritos or, like, I love a good chocolate chip cookie, so I'll batch cook chocolate chip cookies and give them. And then just hearing the funny ways that new moms eat them. Like, "Ugh, I haven't eaten anything all day, and I just ate like four cookies," or like, "It's 5:00 PM-

and don't wanna make dinner, so I'm gonna have a breakfast burrito." Just feeling that, like, you're filling up someone's cup is so, it makes me feel so, so good. So what about you? What are some of your favorite things that come from having a strong mom community?

Yeah, so I just love connecting with people, and I love just helping anyone feel seen.

Mm. And so I love that my friend group is very diverse. Like, there is no one mom that does things one way. Everyone is so different in the way they mom. And so some of my best friends homeschool. Mm. Some of my best friends' kids are in private school or public school. And so we just... I think we have a really diverse group of friends in our, in our mom walk group as well.

And I think I love learning from moms who are different from me, and just broadening my perspective. Makes life more fun that way, I would say.

I absolutely agree. I definitely, especially in the military, there's a lot of homeschool moms, but then there's moms who are working, you know, not staying at home with their kids and working, so then their kids go to public school or the military- Mm-hmm

school or private school. I can agree with that. I really do like talking to moms with different and I, my kids are very young. We're not even thinking about school right now. I have a three-year-old.

Right.

You know, and she's not in preschool. Mm-hmm. And so I don't know what we're gonna do, but I love talking to, I guess, a little bit older moms to see what they plan on doing- Yes

or just their ideas or how it's even going too because whether they put their kid in a charter school and then, I, I just, I thi- I so love that. Yeah, I think a diversity of mom friends is definitely fun.

Mm-hmm.

It keeps things like there's stuff to talk about, you know? And there's stuff to look forward to.

100%. And I think that's so- 100% ... important. Yay, okay. Yes. So what are some tips to finding the right mom community? We talked a little bit about it before, but let's say you like to, I don't know, work out, right? And so how would you, I, you do your walks, which I think are awesome. Mm-hmm. But how did that even begin?

Did you work out previously? Did you just wanna get outside with your kid? What are some tips for finding the right community and how did you, I guess, start with your walks?

Yeah, so I dove into the mom walk group w- right when we moved to our city.

Mm-hmm.

And then a couple months in I was asked to co-host and start leading that.

Aw. And then eventually took it over and it was just me. And gosh, it has just been such a blessing. I just said yes to building community and life is a little busy right now for me. I would say now is, like, the busiest season of my life because I also do a mom's workout group from my garage- Ooh

which is called Strong Moms, that I also feature on my Instagram. And that is the coolest story because it happened completely organically. Like I'm just a mom. I'm not a professional. I'm not a personal trainer. But on my Instagram, I had so many mom friends reach out and say, "Hey, can I come work out with you in your garage?"

And it ended up being so many people that I formed a group. Cool. And that has been so, so cool. So we meet twice a week Tuesdays at 6:00 A.M. or Thursdays at 6:00 P.M. And that's just been another way to build community, and I think my favorite part, aside from watching all the moms get stronger and healthier, is seeing friendships form.

Because once you create that good culture that people wanna come to, they're gonna hype each other up and they're gonna pour into one another, and it's just so special seeing the friendships form.

I love that. That is so uplifting. Yay. That is so yay you. That's awesome.

It was seriously the craziest thing because if you had told me, like, a year or two ago-

that I would be doing content creation, that I would be leading two mom groups, one of which is, like, a workout group, and we lift heavy in my garage. We do strength training. And so it's like, it's just so cool. Just say yes to God, and God's plans are always higher than what I have in my mind.

Absolutely. Oh, I love that. Yay. Well, we got more questions coming up, but first let's take one of our last breaks. Welcome back to Newbies. We are continuing our topic. So we chatted a lot about finding the mom community and tips for even reaching out if you're a little nervous, which, who isn't nervous when you have a baby and you're scared that, you know, they might have a blowup or they might burp or whatever it is.

Mm-hmm. They might, you know, be fussy. So I t- we, we totally get it. We've both been there. But what is your advice for moms trying to mother alone and, like, with the caveat of trying to get themselves out there more in-

Yeah ...

terms of not mothering alone?

So first off I've had several friends that have told me, like, it is a struggle for them.

It, it's hard for them to get out of their shell, and so I just, like, empathize with that because it's so real. It is hard, and it's hard putting yourself out there, especially when you're so busy and you're balancing nap schedules and your baby did not sleep last night, so the last thing you wanna do is, like, put on real clothes and go to a mom group and meet people.

Mm-hmm. But I would just say there's grace in every season. And so, like, if, if right now is not your season to build your mom village, like, just try to meet one person. Mm-hmm. Just, just one person. Who is, who's one person you can reach out to this week that you can just shoot, like, a simple text to? Takes 10 seconds.

Just, "Hey. How's it going?" Like, "What are you struggling with? How can I help you this week?" Or just some form of connection I think makes such a difference. And I think sometimes people overcomplicate building community, and they, they think it's gonna be so time-consuming and so complex and so exhausting, but if we just over- take out that complication and just simplify it.

Like, who is one person you can reach out to that's coming to your mind?

Yes. I love that you mentioned that too, because we've all had those days, right? Like baby didn't sleep or-

Yes ...

even just baby's not e- just even baby's fussy, baby's not eating, maybe baby has an allergy. Like, there's a thousand things moms think about every-

Yes

single day, which is kind of wild. And so I will say, especially in the early days, when I would meet up with a friend, even if she didn't have a kid, and we would have brunch, and my four-month-old is just babbling away or whatever-

Mm-hmm ...

I always felt better when I got back in the car on my own. Oh, yes. Like, I always felt better, no matter how stressful it was to get there.

Yes.

Leaving is like, you-

It's always worth it.

It's always worth it, yes. And it could be a walk in the park with a friend- Mm-hmm ... or even your mom if you have f- family nearby. Just the simple, like, saying yes to things when people are reaching out, absolutely-

Yep ...

game changer. I love that. Yay. Well, any other advice you'd like to share?

I feel like we covered so much, so helpful. Yes. Well, I guess where can our listeners find you for more helpful tips? Shout out your Instagram again. Uh, any other socials?

Yes. So thank you again so, so much for having me. Truly, like, my whole passion right now is helping moms find community. And so on my Instagram, it's erin.in.celina, 'cause that's the town that I'm in.

They can find me there and follow for seeing real community building in action, because I think there's a lot of talk about community building and being the villager, and it's very hot topic right now. But I want to distinguish I am not somebody who just talks about community. I actually show you how to build it.

So, I will help you get out of your shell. I'm gonna help offer different perspectives, and you can watch the communities that I am building just grow on my page, because we have our Mom Walk, Coast Salina group, and then our Strong Moms community. And yeah, just investing in community is so worth it.

And not to overcomplicate it. Like I said, just think of one person you can reach out to.

Oh, that's so helpful. Well, I hope our listeners feel better. Reach out to a friend, text a friend, answer that, I don't know, text message. And I feel like as moms, we are always so, like, scatterbrain sometimes, even postpartum brain, where like I'll get a text, and I'll open that text.

But then I get distracted, and then I go and put my phone down, and then I drink my coffee, and then, you know, I get... By the time I get back to my phone, it's been like two hours. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, "Shoot, I shouldn't text that person back 'cause it's already been two hours." Text them back, yes. Answer the email.

Do, just push

through. Yes, it just takes 10 seconds. Again- ... it does not have to be complicated and 20 paragraphs long. It could just be like, "Hey, I'm thinking about you right now. Like, how are you?"

Absolutely, yes. Yay, well, thank you so much for joining me. This has been such a great episode.

Thank you so much for having me.

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We are getting into the ber months. This is being recorded in September, probably released in October, so be on the lookout for some cozy baby-themed episode chatting all about fall and winter. And if you wanna check out some of the other podcasts we produce, such as Preggie Pals, Parent Savers, The Boob Group, and Twin Talks, then visit our website at newmomymedia.com.

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