Welcoming a new baby is transformative. From growing your baby in your womb, to birthing your baby, to bringing the newborn home. Today we are chatting about how family dynamics shift once you have your baby.

Thanks for joining us. This is Newbies. Welcome to Newbies. My name is Kailee Garcia and I'll be your host today. If you haven't already, be sure to visit our website at newmommymedia.com and subscribe to our weekly newsletter, which keeps you updated on all the episodes we release each week. Another great way to stay updated is to hit that subscribe button in your podcast app.

And if you're looking for a way to get even more involved with our show, then check out our online community. It's on Patreon. That's where we chat more about the topics discussed. There's a blog post uploaded pertaining to every episode we release, and it's also an easy way for you to join us live. Our expert mom today is Britt Olsen.

Britt is a certified health coach and self-published author of a daily five-minute restoration journal for the woman who wants to reconnect with herself without adding one more overwhelming thing to her plate. So, yay! Thank you for joining us. Tell us where you are located and who is a part of your family.

Yes. Hello. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here, and I am located down in Florida, in the Sunshine State. And I have a I am the mom of two. To a four-year-old and a two-and-a-half-year-old.

Aw, how fun. I love that. I am excited. I always-- But I like the age gap. Did you do two under two or are they just a little bit over two year- or

two years We did two under two.

They are actually 18 months exactly.

Oh my gosh. Like,

to the date. My, Sure ... youngest, his due date was February 4th, which is, my daughter's birthday is August 4th, and then he officially came out February 5th. So they're, yeah, 18 months

so I can imagine from back to-- This is a great topic then.

I'm so excited to have you on because not-- I mean, I consider babies, babies until two, honestly.

Mm-hmm.

Because that's when they really start to communicate and talk. And so, yes, from welcoming one baby to the next, 18 months apart, I'm excited. Yay. Okay, we'll get into this, but first let's take a quick break.

Welcome back. Today we're discussing how family dynamics shift after welcoming a baby. So first, for our listeners, Britt, tell us about your journey becoming a parent.

Yeah, absolutely.

So my journey to becoming a parent is a little bit different in the realm that when I was six and a half months pregnant, my husband got a job opportunity and offer unexpectedly to move us out of state to do to go open up a new boat dealership. And we're both pretty adventurous people. Both of our parents, both grandparents are, were in Florida with us at the same time, and we were like, "Well, this is unexpected, but sure, let's go for it."

So at eight months pregnant, we moved out of state and leaving our grandparents, our village behind. Not that either was in the same town as us, but still a couple hours away is much different than, Mm-hmm ... 10 hours away, right? So we moved, and I knew no one, and I had to find new providers. I didn't have any friends, getting established in a new place, and it was in the summer, and we moved from Florida to a different state in the South, up to Georgia.

And I, I didn't know what to expect postpartum, and then my baby girl, who's my first one, she took a minute to come. I ended up getting induced at 40... Let's see. She came at 41.5.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. So I was also waiting for her a- Mm-hmm ... for a long time. I had paused my health coaching business about a month in advance.

You know, reason of being a entrepreneur and working for yourself. You can do things like that. And then I ended up waiting for her for almost an extra two weeks in a place that I was brand new to, and I was extremely pregnant, so it's not like I was really out on the town doing a lot of things. And then she came, and it-- I'll never forget her birth.

I labored for 33 hours.

Oh my goodness.

I pushed for three. I didn't understand the pelvic floor dysfunction that I had, that I now know about. Funny how things go with your first one. And, Mm-hmm ... you know, from the moment I held her, I had one of the most privileged experiences where it was just this knowing of, "This is my baby, and of course she's gonna look this way, and this is her."

And it was just this physical connection, soul connection of just, "Wow, this is my baby." And then we went home and we went into new parent life, and newborn life, and sleep deprivation, and extreme isolation. And I s- should also mention that where we had moved to was about an hour and a half outside of the Atlanta area in Georgia.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

45 minutes to an hour south of Athens, and about an hour away from Augusta, which are kinda the three main cities in Georgia. So a beautiful little lake town, and also pretty isolating if you don't know anyone and are wanting mommy and me things to go to. So yeah, and it's interesting because from a postpartum level, while going through, right, all the newborn sleep struggles, witnessing my marriage and my partnership looking completely different than it had, not having other people to just call on to come over.

Like, we didn't even have a friend to do that or parents and family to do that, and it was like, "Oh, okay. Maybe I need to, you know, start interviewing babysitters so that way we have an extra set of hands to lean on," type experience. But I felt relatively good mentally and emotionally, aside from the typical, those first three and a half to four months.

And then four months postpartum hit, and it was a pretty rapid decline for me mentally and emotionally. I, I mean, I can get emotional right now thinking about it. From four months postpartum to five months postpartum, and my postpartum anxiety and depression, while I wasn't diagnosed with it with my first, I was diagnosed with my second.

But- Hmm ... it got pretty intense from about four months postpartum to eight and a half months postpartum, and I struggled with extreme intrusive thoughts- Hmm ... a few panic attacks, Trying to remember what else. It gets a little bit blurry between one to two. But anyway, long story short and I'm also someone where I...

Practicing self-care and looking out for my mental health, emotional health, physical health, that is something that I do on a daily basis. So there was a little bit of guilt and shame, and also just like a new perspective and awareness of, oh, wow, I can, quote-unquote, "know all the things"-

Mm-hmm ...

do the things, and am not immune to what can happen hormonally, mentally, emotionally sleep deprivation as well, to a woman postpartum.

And I will tell you the turning point for me was pure intuition. I kept feeling like I was breastfeeding her. Breastfeeding was so easy between the two of us. I feel so privileged to have experienced that, and I figured I would have breastfed her until she was two and a half, three years old at least. I loved it.

She loved it. We had a beautiful connection, and this thought in my head kept being like, I think if I were to wean her, I might feel a little bit better And it was really hard because family members, people in my life, they were-- they didn't love the idea. You know, the external noise can really mess with us.

It was, "Well- Mm-hmm ... why would you ever not breastfeed a child, especially when you have the option to?" And my husband was the one who actually brought it up, and he finally said, in our desperation of, "Hey, you know what? It's just a food source." And for some reason, even though I feel from understanding the, the benefits and everything, it's more than a food source, it is also just a food source.

And- Mm-hmm ... we had been-- I was also pumping in exchange because he wanted to be able to give her a bottle to relieve me overnight and things like that. So she was already attuned to having breast and bottle. And I started weaning her, and I will tell you, within a week to two weeks of weaning her, I came back to life.

And then once she was fully weaned, it didn't take too long. I'd also had a extra supply. I think I had an extra supply of frozen breast milk for maybe two to three months worth of extra supply, which was a blessing to give her. And- Yeah, that's

huge.

Yeah, that's big. Huge. Yeah. I had so much milk to provide.

I could've nursed two babies at the same time, to be honest. But yeah, I weaned her, and I came back to life. It was-- I felt better than I ever had. I'll never forget that month and a half of her and I together. We joined a mommy and me music class, which that also brought me back to life. We can talk about you know, wherever we wanna go with this conversation.

But anyway, and then at nine and a half months pregnant because-- or nine and a half months postpartum with my first, because I was feeling so great, we got pregnant with my second.

That is so wild. I applaud moms who have done two under two, and it's funny because I felt like growing up or even as like a young adult, you hear about siblings being close together, but it never clicked to me until I had kids.

Mm.

For example, my grandmother had four kids or three kids in two and a half years. Mm. And so I-- Now that I'm a mom and have experienced pregnancy, I'm like, wow, that is so quick. Your poor body. I just, I couldn't do it. I c- I just, that's so wild to me. Yeah, so, so now fast-forward to you. Now you're pregnant again nine, 10 months postpartum.

Wow. What were your thoughts?

It was interesting because we always, we knew we wanted to have multiple children. Also, I will say this too, in our journey, my husband went through an extreme health journey. It started about four to five years before we got pregnant, four years before we got pregnant with my first.

And anyway, he was told at the time that he would never be able to have kids.

Hmm.

And we went through a whole health journey, so us getting, not only getting pregnant, but then being able to actually have children was also just incredible. But anyway, we felt that we would have kids kind of the typical, oh, you know, maybe three years apart.

Like that- Mm-hmm ... felt good. You know, you always have all these ideas and plans in your head. And then as soon as my first was born, within those first few days, I could just feel, I don't know how else to describe it without sounding a little loony, but it is my true experience. I could just feel the connection of like this other baby.

Hmm. And I was like, I don't know. I just, I feel like there is another sibling soul that like wants to be here. But anyway, we that's not the reason why we got pregnant. We got pregnant. I also had miscarried before my first as well, and went through that experience of loss and we said, you know, we don't know.

I'm also in my 30s, so we don't know how long it could take to have another one. We didn't think it would go on the complete first try, but sure enough it did. And yeah, I will tell you, it's wild. Sometimes when you're in it, you don't really realize like what you're living through sometimes. Yes. But now when I look back, especially with my second, holding him at nine to 10 months old, I was like, "How did we do this?"

And then even as he progressed, I was like, "How in the world did I have," what I call like a baby toddler, "and a newborn baby all at the same time?" It, it just, it really blows my mind. And being pregnant with a toddler, a baby toddler, that is a whole journey in and of itself. It, it's, it's interesting too now as my daughter, when she turned three, three and a half, and she just turned four the beginning of August, it was so wild to me because watching her The way that she'll now care for baby dolls and has an appreciation for babies- Mm

and all these things, I was like, "Oh, I see where a larger age gap, that could be nice," in that she would actually be excited about- Yes ... a baby and would wanna be mommy's helper and be a part of it because they have that developmental ability. Whereas for her, it was like, well, I want to lay on top of this baby, and I want to bite him and hit him, and I'm developmentally trying to figure out so much.

And then she had such a blissful newborn experience up until my mental health struggles postpartum, that then I'm looking at this poor second child, my son, and I'm like, "You were born into complete chaos." Like, you were, like, raised on Frozen, raised on, you know, this other beautiful older sister screaming and yelling all the time.

My mental health also, what I went through with my first, it was times 10 with my second. And I'm happy to speak about that as well. But yeah, it's just so interesting, How you can have complete different experiences and also how completely different our children are as well and their environments and kind of like what we all come into.

And I guess your role with your partner, your husband, how did that change and shift? Especially, I just can't get over, I love talking to the moms. My best friend is one of them. She her kids are actually 18 months apart, and then she's pregnant again with her third, and they are also 18 months apart

And so she just like-- Anyway, I love talking to her because she leans on her husband heavily for support. How did you lean on your husband for support, especially being in Georgia, right? Like, you're far away from family. Your community is a plane ride away or a very long car ride away. You know, how was that dynamic for you?

I-- It was very stressful. Stressful for me- Yeah ... and stressful for him. I also was not working, so he was the sole provider, and I had to lean virtually everything on him. And I know that was very difficult on him. It was very difficult on our relationship as well. We were really what is the word? I, I don't even wanna say that we were necessarily more teammates.

We-- I, I don't-- I guess, I guess that's what we were. We were kinda two players in this wild field doing our best to really get through it. And even at night, like, my son's room and nursery was the guest room, which eventually became all the way his room, but we kept the guest bed in there. And there would be so many nights where I would be sleeping in the guest bed next to him in the crib if he wasn't actually just in the bed with me.

Mm-hmm. And then my husband, he was on night duty for my oldest, because some are sleeping through the night at that, those ages, 18 months, two years old, and others are not, and that was my daughter. So- Mm-hmm. Yeah ... it was like, yeah, it was not necessarily like trading off who's sleeping. It was more trading off who's handling what kid.

And it was really hard for him because there were certain things my daughter-- Hard for him and hard for my daughter too, because there were certain things she wanted from me that I wasn't- Mm-hmm ... able to give her, that he had to give her. And, Yeah, it was just hard on the entire family system. And I will say right before, you know, it's funny how people come into our life at the right timing.

Mm-hmm. I met two very close friends in Georgia. We remain, So we moved back to Florida also about a year ago, last summer, for frame of reference on timeline. But two very close friends right, one of them right when I became pregnant with my second, and the other right before my second was born.

And it was beautiful to have them. And both of them, their family lived there too, so we kind of were able to, like, adopt an extra family. But it's still not your family. Like, you're still- Mm-hmm. Yes ... not picking up the phone. And of course they have their own children too, and their own lives and everything.

So we did end up finding people, but it was still really us in the trenches. And I will say, just to be completely transparent, it did a number on our relationship, and I feel we're really still recovering as a family. Mm-hmm. And kudos to your friend, because I'm low-key traumatized. It's a very big word to say, but also I'm low-key a little bit traumatized from just the intensity of everything.

It is insane. She we have been friends since college, but she met her husband when we were all, listeners know this, but I'm a military wife. Anyway. Mm. And so when we were all in Hawaii, she met her husband, who's in the Navy, was in the Navy. He got out, and so he actually stopped working and just got his paychecks from the Navy, and that was, they were able to sustain themselves briefly for that because it was so wild.

She said that. And I was like, "Wow, I just can't imagine." I have girls who are t- literally two and a half years apart But I just was pregnant when my oldest was, you know, one and a half, right? Or a little bit- Mm ... more than one and a half. And I just-- And she, to me, she's still a baby. Like, she we didn't potty train her till she was two, you know?

And so she's still in diapers. I couldn't imagine having another little baby. Crazy. Crazy. I, yeah, I can totally relate with you with in the trenches and being teammates with your partner, and it's a lot that people go through. And then in the military, and I just recorded an episode about military wives, but in the military, a lot of women and mothers are super far from their family, right?

Because at least in the Marines, we are always by the water, and so North Carolina, South Carolina, Hawaii, California, right? But if you're not from one of those states, you're, like, far away from family. And so there is no one to lean on but, you know, your spouse a lot of times, and the new friends you make every two to three years.

It's not like you move- Right ... with your best friend, which totally sucks. So I totally relate to you on you moving to a new state and you're pregnant you know? And it's like you can't just go to yoga and meet other people if you're, like- Right ... super pregnant. Crazy. So I guess switching gears, what was your relationship after welcoming your first or even your second with grandparent dynamics?

'Cause I was in that boat where people... I w- my husband and I were both from California, and so when we had kids, it was Hawaii and South Carolina, and so it was a flight away. So no one could drive, right? Especially Hawaii, you gotta fly. Right. And so it was always planned, which I liked, honestly. I liked the planning aspect and that we didn't get the random pop-ins.

But on the other end, it would've been really nice to have my mom or mother-in-law, who would totally do this, just pop in on a Monday and be like, "Hey, I cooked you guys dinner." We never got that 'cause it's, again, very planned. And so as nice as it was that I got to plan when they came, you know, it was also not nice because I never got that, you know, care and support after baby came, you know?

100%. Yeah. It's interesting. Ours was also planned as well. And same like you, I really appreciated the planning aspect. Like, it, it was- Mm-hmm ... kinda nice being able to predict and what to predict. Yeah. But then we also had two different sets of grandparents who each had their own expectation and kinda- Preconceived notion as to how often they should be able to come up and stay with us.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And we were fortunate enough that we had a house large enough to initially have a guest bedroom, so they stayed in our home with us. And then when my second came along, eventually the guest bedroom became his bedroom and he- Mm-hmm ... and I's bedroom, to be honest. And that also changed because the grandparents were not wanting to sleep on a couch necessarily.

So, there, there was then a, a big shift in that dynamic as well of suddenly this, "Oh, well now they can't stay with us." So that also kind of like shifted things for them. But anyway, I would have loved to have had a family dynamic where those drop-ins would've been warm and fuzzy and, "Hey, we brought like-" Mm-hmm.

Drop-ins made for the purpose of taking care of the family, taking care of the parents, taking care of the kids.

Yes.

Unfortunately for both of us, we have an interesting grandparent dynamic on either side where unfortunately for whatever reason, they really like things to be about them- Mm-hmm ... and less about the best interest of the child or even the parents.

So our grandparent visits were more we are here to entertain and serve them versus coming in to support a new family who is in the trenches of it. So we didn't know that. We didn't know life would be like that. I guess looking back, maybe could've guessed it personality wise- ... and just characteristic wise, but it, it just really never crossed our minds because everyone was so excited.

From both family's side, we were the first to have children and grandchildren on either family side, so that was so exciting. And yeah, there was a lot of how would I frame it? Additional family emotional management, adult emotional management that also had to take place while being in the trenches of two under two that you know, like I, I can say like, "Oh, I wish it wasn't that way," but honestly, it really did shape us.

It shaped my husband and I. It really shaped characteristic wise and, but yeah, it was just, What am I trying to say? It was just a bummer all around, and I think it really just speaks to the ways that not only within a partnership and a marriage and that nuclear family unit changes with kids, but really sometimes the entire family unit and department really changes from a grandparenting aspect, where they had certain expectations and ways that they wanted to come in and do things and were expecting us to just go along with whatever they wanted and us to not have our own style of parenting and ways of doing things.

And instead of getting behind us, they were more wanting to kind of rally against our new way of doing things, which is really unfortunate. And yeah, we just had a very stifling dynamic outside of the distance. But what is a little bit ironic about the distance is I then, as much as I wanted that village of people, I was then a little bit grateful for the dis- for the distance because I can't- Mm-hmm

imagine having done that with them being 20 minutes away or two hours away.

Absolutely. Yeah. So. I, yeah, 'cause we'll go, for my side, we'll go home to California and stay for like one week, two weeks, and it's lovely. Absolutely no complaints. What I can say is I can see how complaints could happen if they were 20 minutes down the road.

Mm-hmm. I'm always ready to go home. And again, we have a lovely time. I just, I'm just ready to go home, you know? And so I think, yeah, it, it is a blessing to kind of be away and plan, right, and know what to expect because I think the unpredictability that I just don't think I would do well with, honestly.

I agree. I like to know what to expect. And, and honestly, maybe it's my... And I'm not even a non-confrontational person. I'm totally okay having confrontation and setting boundaries. But maybe because I don't do that a lot, 'cause I don't need to, maybe that's why I like it so much. So what does boundaries, I guess, would look like for you, you know, if you had to set boundaries with your in-laws or, I don't know, if your husband or you have siblings that are overbearing or not bearing enough.

You know what I mean? But what did boundaries look like in those two postpartums you had?

Yeah. I'm someone where I'm not necessarily confrontational. However, if there is a problem or something that's not working, I have zero problem being like, "Hey, come sit on the couch with me. Let's figure this out."

Or k- I'm blessed with, like, some of the best group of female friendships that one could ever ask for. It's been so healing on, like, a female friendship level, some of the friends I have in my life. And, like, all of us are very similar. There's about five or six of us where it is, like, if there's a problem, it's pick up the phone, "Hey, let's talk about it.

Here's my side of things. What's your side of things?" And just very much we're not gonna brush things under the rug. We're not gonna do weird passive-aggressive things. Like, it's just-

Mm-hmm ...

let's be human and transparent and honest, and that doesn't mean it's easy. It can be super uncomfortable. Like, to this day, as much as that's who I am, where I'm like, "Hey, let's go talk about this," like, I don't love it.

I don't think anybody loves it, to be honest. Yeah. Unless you are highly confrontational, and then even then it's probably not coming from a good place. It's probably coming from- Mm-hmm ... a little bit of a defensive place. But boundaries were very difficult in the realm that they were not respected. And, Were not willing to respect them, which was a new experience.

There was a lot of control dynamics and a need to also release control, which it's-- So it's interesting because, like, there's a part of it where I can kind of understand it from a new grandparent's perspective. Like, you have only... You've been in the role of the parent, you have been in charge of your children, and you're also trying to understand what it's still like to have adult children, and adult children- Mm-hmm

living their own lives. Yeah. And what does that dynamic look like, and how much control do you have, not control? Also, I feel that it is also, you know, mixed in there with love and wanting what's best for your children or those families. Like it, it's so tricky. You know, I can't imagine when we enter into that phase what that's actually like, and then let alone your children then have your, their own children.

And it's like if you're not willing to accept the change in the dynamic where the parents who have children, they're really the ones in an entire family picture that they now have the say of things. Like we even had like trips that we would kinda like, "Oh, hey," with like living in different states and stuff, "Hey, let's all meet in this place.

We'll share an Airbnb-" Mm-hmm. "... whatever have you." But then it was still this expectation that the grandparent needs to have the biggest bedroom because they are the elder in the family line. So then we would be in this tiny Airbnb guest bedroom fighting to get this newborn to sleep, this 18-month, two-year-old to sleep, and it was just this like unwillingness to change and ebb and flow and evolve, and kinda this like changing of the tides within the entire family picture.

So that's just kinda like a specific example. But wrapping up on what I wanted to say, because I do think it is really important because there's nothing worse than having to set a boundary and how uncomfortable that really is. Even when you get good at it, like it's still really uncomfortable to do that.

But then to have it not be respected, and then you have to follow up on it, and then with good boundary setting, there then has to be a consequence, right? Mm-hmm. Yes. Otherwise it, it means nothing. And that is extremely difficult. So I can give this example. So my mother-in-law, again, I believe purely out of good intention and excitement and like she was all, like her... what, what's the phrase? Where you have-- Like she had her blinders on of like- Mm-hmm ... "I'm a grandma, I have a grandchild, and I'm here.

Like, this is my grandparent experience that I have been waiting a very long time for." So she got overly excited is how I like to think of it, and she bought my daughter, my daughter's first Halloween costume, and shows up for a visit and is like, "Hey, look at this. I bought her this costume, and it's her first Halloween costume, and I got to buy it for her, and this is what I want her to be for Halloween," and da, da, da.

And then as a new parent, you're like Well, wait a minute. Yeah. Like, great intention, but why didn't you pick up the... Like, if you would've picked up the phone and said, "Hey, here's what I wanna do," like brought- Mm-hmm ... the parents in on it, that would've been received so differently. So we had to then have a conversation of, "Hey, like we love that you did this.

We love your excitement, and this is our daughter. And this is- Mm-hmm. Yeah ... something that needs to come from our family, not yours," which she didn't take it well because of her own insecurities, and then took that and basically ignored what we said, and then did that in different ways of just overbuying different clothes or if we said, "Hey," like, you know, what's a brand of clothing?

I don't know. I can't even think. We had very, very chunky babies. Like, we had big babies. Both of them were- I

can tell you. Yeah ... Car- Carter's. No, no, no, it's the Jack and Cat. Jack and Cat at Target run small. Like my-

Yes ...

11-month-old is wearing 18-month, and it still looks teeny. It's like shorts from Jack and...

It's Jack and Cat, right? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. From

Target, yeah. But then she'll be in a literal, like, I don't know, the Disney... We, we're a big Disney family.

Mm-hmm.

She'll be in, like, Disney pajamas, and that's like 12 months, and it fits her, and it looks big on her. So yeah, no, I'm with you on that.

Exactly. Yeah, so with chunky babies, like there's certain things that work and don't work, and it's nothing personal.

Absolutely. Yeah. It's just, hey, like- Yeah ... don't buy this brand because it literally doesn't fit them. No,

no.

It's a waste of money.

However, because of, yeah, exactly, it's a waste of money, totally. And please buy clothes. Like that only helps a new parent, right? So it then became more of like a purposeful thing of anything we then said, she just ignored and did the opposite of, which is unfortunate.

So then we had to eventually say, "Hey, if you can't respect our wishes as it pertains to clothes," which again is like kinda silly, but it, it's just an easy example "we're gonna have to ask you to please stop buying clothes for her because it just doesn't work for anybody. It's a waste of everybody's time."

And she didn't like that, and we have actually just now gotten to a place four years later where, so time heals all, truly. Mm-hmm ... she's more willing to hear, and it also helps that my daughter can actually talk and walk and- Mm-hmm ... has her own very, very, very specific opinion of what she actually wants to wear for herself.

So it's gotten better where she's able to exercise that enjoyment of buying things for a grandchild, and it actually works for my daughter now, and it's not so overbearing. But unfortunately, it really did take a Pretty se-- a big severance, I would say, in the relationship, and it became very uncomfortable and really sucked for those first two and a half, three years.

But again, time heals all, and now that we're moved into a different state that, or a different state of life with toddlers that has gotten better. So just kind of an example, and then also an example of for those in the trenches, because I feel like when you're in the trenches of being a new parent or a new mom, it feels like whatever is happening right here, right now is, like, definitive.

And I just wanna share that, that like- Yes. Yeah ... things change, and where you are is not forever. Where you are relationally is not forever. I mean, we see how rapidly these children change, but just on every front, like, where you are might be really, really hard and probably is really, really hard. And it's not gonna be like that forever.

I so agree. I-- That actually sparked something for me too, 'cause I know two things. Like, especially when your babe is not even crawling yet, right? So they're, like, six months and below, if you had an early crawler, five months. But every day kind of feels like the same, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom, you know?

And so, and I am a homebody, so I did not mind that. Now, it gets worse when kids grow up. And specifically if you live in, like, a hot area. You said Georgia, I'm in South Carolina. We're like an hour from Savannah. The summers here are brutal. I've never lived in humidity before growing up in California, and then Hawaii was nothing compared to the South.

We were on Oahu anyway, so it doesn't get that humid. But wow, South Carolina and Georgia, it gets brutal during the summers. And so for what you were saying that, you know, time does change, even seasons change, right? Mm-hmm. And so if you have a baby and it's hot, and I am not going outside when it feels like 110 because of the humidity.

It's so crazy. I feel guilty that this is the third, fourth day where we're in our home, you know, playing and being active and learning, but I still feel guilty. That mom guilt, right? But then seasons change. It gets cooler. You know, the weather gets better. If you're in the South, the bugs come out, which sucks, but you know, that's another issue.

But yes, I think that's so important for the new moms in the trenches is time really does heal, whether that's with a uncomfortable relationship, you know, dynamic boundaries, even just mom guilt, right? Mm-hmm. As your kid gets older, things get better. Like, it truly does. And I love that. I love telling new moms that, like, it gets better.

It, it always gets better. It doesn't get worse. It gets better, you know? And so I think, ugh, that is so, so true. Okay. We've been chatting. Before we continue our topic, I want to talk about how to calm the nervous system. But first, let's take a quick break. Welcome back. We are continuing our topic. And so we have chatted a bunch.

As we wrap up this beautiful episode, of all the tips you shared, I want one more. What are some techniques you do to enjoy to calm your nervous system, whether it be from a stressful night of sleep, right, with a colicky baby or, you know, you have a 12-month-old, which is me who still is not sleeping through the night and is nursing one or two times overnight or more, you know?

Mm-hmm. Or, you know, you set a boundary and you feel icky about it. So what are some things that you do to calm your nervous system, and what tips do you have?

Yeah, absolutely. So some of the more basic tips and more tangible tips, especially for new moms and when we're looking at sleep deprivation because, you know, we don't wanna overwhelm the system too much.

So one of my most favorite, it's so, so simple. It's also great because you can do it with your kids, you can do it with your babies, is literally take your shoes off, go outside, sit in the grass And just feel the earth beneath of you. Your baby can play in the grass. Get a blanket if they need. You know, not everybody loves grass.

Grass can be itchy. If it's a blanket, that's perfect. At least keep your feet in the grass just to, like, feel a little more texture of the actual earth from you. And then just use the five senses and-

Mm ...

look around and, you know, breathe in that fresh air, right? Like allow... Give yourself the, the gift of an exhale, which also immediately slows down your nervous system.

Grounding from the earth, feeling the texture of the grass underneath your feet, feeling the sun on your face or the breeze on your face. What can you smell? What can you see, right? Like, look at the colors, the textures, like everything. So basically, get outside, activate your five senses especially when you've been Inside so much.

And then on the other side of that, if it is something where you're feeling emotionally charged, maybe it's by your baby, a parent, a grandparent, your spouse, whatever have you, I love the somatic shaking technique, and especially as you move into having a little bit of like... Well, babies actually would probably laugh at this too.

But what it is, is you're mimicking an animal. So out in the wild, if a, we'll use a bear is chasing a fox, we'll say. The bear is chasing the fox. The fox is in danger. The fox is in fight or flight. Its cortisol is running, adrenaline, everything. It escapes the bear, and now it's in safety. You will see the fox, the animal, shake.

It does a full body shake. You can envision if anybody has dogs, a dog is a perfect example of this. A dog, you know, does something, a dog shakes. The fox shakes, and that shaking movement of the entire physical body actually immediately discharges the cortisol, the adrenaline running through you, and it moves you from that sympathetic nervous system state into that rest and digest, that parasympathetic state, which is really where we wanna be.

Now, our bodies in our modern world cannot recognize that a baby who won't stop crying irritability because of sleep deprivation, like that one, you know, the dirty dishes in the sink that our partner said he was gonna do but he still didn't do, or the grandparent encroaching on a boundary of yours or whatever, right?

It's all speaking the same language of danger to the body. So just like an animal, somatic shaking. So you can start by just shaking your hands almost as if you have dirt on them, that you're kinda like shaking it off, and move that shaking motion through your entire body. I like to stand up. Sometimes it's jumping around, closing your eyes, giving yourself permission to like get weird with it, shake it out.

Nobody's watching. It's probably only little eyes watching you, which they'll probably find it humorous or start copying you as my toddlers do. It's also a great toddler regulation technique as well. But those are kind of my two most basic nervous system regulators that you can implement at any point in time.

I love that. I love that you even mentioned the toddler aspect because yes, I have a very vocal toddler who I love and I prayed for and wanted. I was one of those kids where people were like, "Just wait till you have a kid like you." And I do, and I love it. Absolutely love it. And I'm like, "Yes, let's go.

This is what I wish I got." You

know what I

mean? Yes. Love it. And so I'm gonna steal that definitely when we are feeling fussy wussy to just-

Yeah ...

get the jitters out, the fussiness out. I love it. Yay. Okay. So how can our listeners connect with you, work with you? Please tell us where you are at.

Absolutely.

So you can find me online on Instagram or my website. They are both the same, so it is TheBritttOlson, and that is T-H-E-B-R-I-T-T-O-L-S-O-N, whether .com or @ for Instagram. And you can also find what I have that I absolutely love because it is the online library and resource, speaking of the nervous system, that I so desperately needed in postpartum and in the trenches of motherhood, and is one that I still use here today, is I created this online self-restoration library called The Freedom From Within Library.

You can access it free for the first seven days. And inside that library, I have a whole bunch of self-restoration journaling prompts, meditations, visualizations, more nervous system techniques, different trainings, workshops, and then also an audio note library, so similar to a podcast style or a, you know, voice note style, voice messaging with your friends, where it is me in your ear there to help you through the overwhelm- The good days, the bad days gratitude practices mindfulness techniques, all different things.

But I created it because I needed a place to turn to in my darkest times. I didn't have that, and I wanted to bring that to life.

I love the resources that are available to new moms now that I feel like, I talk to my mom about this a lot, that just weren't around, you know- Mm-hmm ... when we were kids, 30, 20, 40, whatever it is, years ago.

There's so many resources, and I love it. I love it so much. Yay, Britt. You are amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. This has been a great episode and I'm excited for our listeners to hear it.

Yeah, I'm so excited too. Thank you so much.

Yay. Well, be sure to check out newmomymedia.com where we have all of our podcast episodes, plus videos and more.

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